Friday, February 26, 2010

Thursday Night Meeting

Last night there was a C.R.H.P. meeting, it wasn't about anything to do with serving a meal for the next C.R.H.P. We were working from  a book Suzie Q had everyone on of us get, well except me of course.  I was good at making that the point of discussion. Well for a little it was, then everyone arrived and we started to work through a book to discuss about Lent, as we're in the Lenten season at church. 

All through the evening Suzie talked about a lot of different subjects and I found it very interesting. I got a lot our of the meeting and I can't wait for the next one next week. I believe Lent is special to the catholic faith and it is getting to me that I don't know enough about it. 

While we read from the book and some scriptures too, which made me think about what Lent and being a catholic means to me. My biological family were catholic and due to them I hated the religion for a very long time.  It made me want to never believe in God as my family hurt me in more ways than one. 

Anyhow, back to last night. I found that all my C.R.H.P. sisters understand why I feel o guilt for the death of a man who ruined my life and I thought was going to do the same to my little sister who was only six yrs old. I have done a lot of bad things in my life, eg: murder, drugs, alcohol, fraud and hacking. I know these crimes can never been cleaned completely, but I have asked for forgiveness for all but one death. I want to remember for the rest of my life. 

I know murder is bad in God and Jesus' eyes and in the law in any country. But there is something deep inside I want to never be forgiven for. The murder of my stepfather. I never did anything to stop his murder, but I also never was the one that killed him, but I watched it and I had a big grin on my face after we all ditched his body and Jake had someone take the rap so we didn't go to prison. 

I hope in time I can ask God for my part in the murder, but right now I am glad we killed him and that he can't hurt my sister. She was safe and so were my family after he was gone. I feel my biological mother knew who killed him. Because before I left England to be with my online partner now my hubby. She told me she was glad he was gone. I just smiled and left. I knew  Marie was safe from his clutches and my mother would love her like she deserved to be loved.  Not like I was left out and abused for my entire life.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Thursday Afternoon

I have been doing a lot of work around the apartment and thinking about tonight and what will be going on. We  aren't meeting to discuss a retreat, but to discuss about God and about Lent and the lenten season that is upon us.

Well I have been thinking about what lent stands for me. I get to connect with God and Jesus on a deeper level and commune with my C.R.H.P. sisters of St Mark Catholic Church in Indianapolis, Indiana.

I have a group of fantastic girls I get to meet at these times and talk about all sorts of things, but mainly christian views and what we get to do during this lenten season. This time Suzie Q, the main girlie of our  C.R.H.P. team 12. She helps us all get closer to God and hearing about everyones views on what they are going to either give up for lent or do to inharnce the power of God in our lives on a whole.

Poem - I'm a Survivor

That moment when I heard the door closing behind with all my memories inside, my heart stopped beating. I can't remember how I made it t...