Saturday, March 13, 2010

Another rambling old post...

I have been thinking about the Lenten season and what Christ gave up for us to be saved and the ability to go up to be with God one day. I thought maybe we needed to ask God to show us his beauty and loving arms. But that isn't enough. You, every Christian, whatever denomination ask themselves what God or Christ has for them to do. You have the choice to ask for him to save your soul. 

First it starts with your prayer to have Christ, God and the Holy Spirit to enter your heart, soul and mind to be your savior and redeemer. Go on don't wait, the time is now. The hour is coming, are you going to be ready to enter the kingdom of God. I know I am ready. I have God, Christ and the Holy Spirit in my heart, soul and mind. They talk to me daily. I hear their voice. Do you hear it? Are you Listening? Are you ready to follow God, Christ to be a follower, a believer.

I want everyone to know how much God has touch my life and knowing he is my best friend and he will guide me and my fellow believers to be with him one day. I know he is good, and I feel so alive with his spirit. His Spirit entered my body and I feel alive and free for the first time in my life. I just wish he would not keep telling me things when I'm busy doing other junk on my computer. Like when he speaks to me, I have to drop everything and I can hear what he has to say and then put it into my daily life... 

Come on I want free-time... not God-time... No I'm serious... I know he is my Savior, I know I will always believe in him, through him and always do his will. It's not what we want, but what he has for us to do, while on earth. 

Faith Vs Knowledge

I have found over this Lenten season 2010. I have heard God's call. He has entered my heart, mind and soul. I want your all who read this blog know I would usually go to church, have the eucharist and just read my bible once or twice a week and pray only when I was in pain or was worried about my husband or his family....

Now I feel I have felt the touch of God and Christ. I have never been one to pray out loud when at my C.R.H.P. meetings. Ask any of my sisters and they'd tell you I wouldn't read aloud or pray unless I was pushed to do so.

I had known that God was good and I accepted him and Christ as my savior. But deep down inside. I thought I was find without anything else. Boy was I wrong...

I want the whole world to know, God entered me. He chose me. Now I know the gift of believing and true happiness.

Knowledge is by choice. Faith is knowing and accepting what you don't understand or think is based on true fact. You dig deep inside your heart and it's there.

Movie: Angels and Demons

I have spent the last couple of hours, watching the movie based on the book by Dan Brown. I had heard about the Illuminati and have done a lot of research on this sect and what they did and how they dealt with the world. I found the movie somewhat interesting, but I have to say it doesn't put the catholic faith in a good light. I became a catholic a few years ago. I found that my husband and his family were devote Catholics, so I wanted to learn more about the faith. I was catholic by birth, but I denounced the religion many years ago due to my biological family behavior and how they used the catholic faith to abuse me and my brothers.

I went through life not believing in anything. Yes my life was not pretty and it wasn't nice either. The abused started with my grandparents, from the age of two. They abused me physically, emotionally and sexually from my grandfather. These were the people my mother entrusted me with for my care. I believe she knew about the abuse, but did nothing to help Ian and Michael my brothers and myself. At the age of five I was taken back by my mother and she had a boyfriend, who later became my stepfather. He continued the abuse under the watchful eye of my mother. I started to hate religion due to them both saying I was filled with demons and I was Satan's daughter.

Anyhow, back on subject. I then believed maybe my family weren't good Catholics. I got to know my husband and about his faith and along side the kindness and love his family showered me with. I couldn't believe this was right. I learned about being catholic. I was stunned at the friends I made and now still have.

The movie let me understand that the catholic faith was filled with good people and bad, I hated the way they depicted the catholic faith in the film. I know from my own belief that God and Christ not only helps believers, but non-believers too. God is merciful, kind and very loving and forgiving to anyone who asks for his forgiveness.

The film tried to depicted that Catholic priests would lie to get the message across. I know this as I live it daily. I know from fact and from the believers side of things. That God is not in control of our bodies or minds. He lets us make our own mistakes and lets us learn from them. I know this, from a life filled with hate and evil thoughts about hurting my family and wanting them dead for what they put me through all my life.

After becoming a catholic, I learned that God gives us all the right to choose. The only thing he does is guide up and leads us on the right path, but only if we choose to pick that way. I haven't been picking the right road for a long time. I've done things I regret and I did learn that God only helps guide you, you have to make the effort to follow him and to let him into your heart, soul and mind. Just just for one day, but your whole lifetime.

If you want to let God into your heart, just pray. Pray with your whole heart, mind and soul. Ask with a sorrowful heart. Let him know you're sorry for your sins and your past life activities and you want him in your life. He will send the Holy Spirit and it will enter your body and guide your thoughts and guide your heart. If you want to have a good life, a wholesome life. Let God into your heart, soul and mind. Do it without doubt with a contrite spirit and he will guide your paths. Yes I believe God has shown me the light and I intend on showing everyone I come in contact with to ask God into their lives and follow him. If you don't have God or Christ to guide you, you will be under attack from the Devil(Satan). If  you want eternal life and to go to heaven, let God help guide you there!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I Carry a Cross

A simple reminder to me
Of the fact that I am a Christian
No matter where I may be.

This little cross is not magic
Nor is it a good luck charm.
It isn't meant to protect me
From every physical harm.
It's just an identification
For all the word to see.

That there is an understanding
Between my Saviour and me.
It tells me how much I need Him
And how it's not "I" now but "He".

The cross is there to remind me
Of the price He paid for me...
It reminds me, too, to be thankful
For my blessings day by day.
To strive to serve him better
In all that I do and say.

It's also a daily reminder
Of the the peace and comfort I share
With all who know my Master
And give themselves to His care.

So I carry a cross with me always
For all around to see
That Jesus Christ is Lord of my life
And that's the way I want it to be.

This poem isn't one I wrote. I found it on the web and I wanted to share it with whoever reads my blog...

What does it mean to be a child of God?

To me, I have many thoughts on this subject. Throughout my whole life I have never been much of a believer till I arrived in Indiana. I was abused by most of my family, in more ways than one. Too many to say here. Anyway, back on subject. Sorry if I ramble on, it's just the craziness of being a Irish-Brit living in America. I moved to Indiana on 1st October 2005. I married my now husband, whom I love dearly. He was the one to show me that there were good Christians, good Catholics out there in this mixed up world we all live in.

After meeting my in-laws, for the first time I was shocked to see how nice, kind and caring they were. Troy's mom, told me I wasn't her daughter-in-law, I was her daughter. This shocked me to stand back in amazement. My family had never told me they loved me once in my life in Ireland and England. I can not recount my biological mother or father telling me they loved and was glad I was their child. But Troy's mom did. I was shocked and it gave me a good feeling. This feeling I tried so many time to block. I wasn't going to let this family tell me they loved me and then do what my family did to me. I pushed them away. I made damn sure I made it hard for them to love me. I didn't think I deserved to be loved at all.

During the coming years I found that my heart softened and I began to relive my life through their eyes. I learnt to listen to my MIL and the words she'd say to me each time we met. Over the last five years she has taught me that God is good, and believing in him was my only way of saving myself from the pits of hell. I began to learn that my MIL had many health issues that were similar to my own mother's health issues. I was shocked that this woman, went on with her life, not worrying or caring at all. She plodded on and in this she showed me how powerful God was in her life. I found myself letting her words touch my heart. I decided to do a course, called R.C.I.A.

During the R.C.I.A.  classes, which I dragged Troy to each Wednesday evening. I think he didn't like the fact I did this. But as I got to know the others in the R.C.I.A. classes. I began to ask questions, and now I still have nagging questions, but I am now a daughter in Christ. I believe that God spoke to me last weekend during mass, he told me what his purpose for me being in Indiana was. I believe I had to go through a lot of abusive relationships and now I am getting therapy and one day I'll let my therapist know I trust her, she is like a wonderful lady. But at times I like to annoy her. Only when she gets onto my nerves.

To be a child of God, it means that you have to let him into your heart, your soul, your every being to let him work his magic. Yes it's magic trust me. He touched my head, and I felt no pain for fifteen to twenty minutes at the mass.  Troy had someone bring me the Eucharist and I felt alive. It is a wonderful feeling to be touch by God and live to tell the tale.

If you are a Christian, Catholic or of another denomination go to your church, talk to your pastor or priest and get them to help you get a closer connection to God and Christ. Believe me you'll need it, God is waiting outside to be let in from the cold. He is just outside, open the door and let him in.

Please, It'll be the best thing you ever did. Believe in him, for he is the Savior of this world. You can not go forward in this life without him by your side. whether he is at your side, or carrying you while you find your way. trust me he is there, ask for him strength and help and love. He just needs you to call him by name.

Questions? Do you have the right Answers?

Have you ever thought about what your place is in this world?

Where are you destined to go?

What is your job in this world?

Do you believe in God?

Who is he?

Who is Jesus and Why did He die?

How can I be sure of my faith?

How and why to read the Bible?

How and why to pray?
How does God guide us?
The Holy Spirit: Who He is, What He does, and How we are filled?
How to resist evil?

Remembering that! 
How and why to tell others?

The Church?

Weird Catholic Rules

A few years ago my father, who was never really a church-goer, decided to join the Catholic Church, the church of his wife, my step-mother. I was pleased my dad was showing signs of faith, but my pleasure turned to dismay after I got the call from my mom. As part of my fathers’ application process, or whatever you go through to join the Catholic Church, the church mailed a stack of forms to my mother for her to fill out and sign. What the forms boiled down to was the annulment of the marriage of my parents. Since this would have resulted in my sisters and me being effectively declared illegitimate, my mom respectively declined and tossed the forms in the trash.

Fortunately for my dad (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view), the Catholic Church still allowed him to join, even without my moms signature – I guess my dads signature was enough to wipe from the record his divorce from my mom.

You see, that’s what the process was all about… the church had to first cleanse my father of his divorce record, before they would allow him to join. But the message goes beyond just divorce. The implication is that you cannot join the Catholic Church unless you have no visible sins attached to you. Since divorce is a sin, you have to void the divorce by voiding the marriage. I’m sure I’m over-generalizing, but you get my point.


I have several concerns about this whole episode. First of all, maybe my parents’ marriage didn’t happen in the eyes of the Catholic Church (after all the forms were filled out), but God witnessed that first marriage; a marriage that began with oaths to Him, and produced three children. The Catholic Church may choose to ignore the truth, but God certainly will not. My real concern is this: does the Catholic Church believe that God will close His eyes, just because they choose to?

Second, divorce is clearly a sin – Jesus said so. We all sin – Jesus said so. But the story of our sins is not twisted in a way that makes it look like there was no sin (as the Catholic Church has twisted the story of my parents’ marriage). With Jesus, acceptance is far simpler than that. With Jesus we are accepted into His church not because of some manipulated image of sinlessness, but because of our faith – Jesus said so.
Third, so we are accepted into Jesus’ church not by being sinless, but by having faith and being repentant of the sins we do have. Yet the Catholic Church appears to have a higher standard.

The fourth thing that bothers me is this concept of the Catholic Church cleansing my father of past sins. There is no action by man that can clean someone of their sins, or hide their sins, or pretend their sins never happened. Jesus is the only one who can do this, and he’s already done it, by dying for our sins on the cross. Yet the Catholic Church appears to believe that they are the ones who must clean us of our sins before we can be presented to Jesus.

And finally, all of my concerns boil down to this: the Catholic Church appears not to believe. They appear not to believe in the grace of God. They appear not to believe in Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins. They appear not to believe that we are forgiven because of our faith, not by anything we may do.


I realize that the fault for this heresy does not lie with current Catholics. This is one of many Catholic rules and traditions that have been handed down from past generations. Yet the current generation has the opportunity, and the responsibility to look at themselves in the mirror and replace the old rules and traditions with the truth; the truth of Jesus Christ. The truth that will set them free from all the burdens they have created for themselves.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Meditation: Matthew 18:21-35

A master storyteller, he had the ability to gain his listeners’ interest and involve them in the story’s drama. But Jesus’ parables weren’t simply engaging stories—they reveal to us the love of God and the values of his kingdom. They call us to deeper conversion.

To bring a lesson home forcefully, Jesus often used exaggeration—a common Semitic practice—or contrasted opposites like wisdom and foolishness, generosity and stinginess. Surely there’s no clearer instance of exaggeration than today’s Gospel reading about the unforgiving servant. A man who was forgiven an enormous debt—the equivalent of 150,000 years’ wages—refused to cancel another man’s debt that equaled a hundred days’ wages—a debt that was only 1/20,000 of one per cent as great as his own. Although the servant acknowledged his own need for mercy, he didn’t allow that mercy to soften his heart. And the consequence for him was devastating.

The blunt ending of this story is a direct challenge for us to be just as forgiving to others as God has been to us. It also underscores something Jesus told his disciples in the Sermon on the Mount: “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14-15). If we are not trying our best to be merciful, compassionate, and forgiving, we will find it very hard to pray or to know God’s own love and mercy in our lives.

This season of Lent offers us a special time to come to grips with our need for mercy and to let God’s mercy soften our hearts so that we can change the way we relate to the people in our lives. God doesn’t want us to hold a grudge or treat anyone unkindly who is “in debt” to us. He doesn’t want to see our hearts darkened by bitterness or resentment. Rather, he wants his peace to rule us—and through us, to touch everyone around us. Don’t you want that too?

“Thank you, Jesus, for the countless times you’ve forgiven my sins. Deliver me from any hardness of heart that I harbor toward others, and teach me mercy from your own immeasurable mercy.”

Daniel 3:25,34-43; Psalm 25:4-9

Seven Deadly Sins Vs Seven Heavenly Virtues

Seven Deadly Sins
The Seven Deadly Sins are those transgressions which are fatal to spiritual progress. You probably commit some of them every day without thinking about the rich tradition of eternal damnation in which you're participating. Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise.

Pride is also known as Vanity.

Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.

Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.

Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.

Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.

The 7 Heavenly Virtues
Although Pious is the official keeper of the seven heavenly virtues, we receive input from all three celestial realms in the development and marketing of each virtue. Our virtues are used by Utopian Societies and occasionally by the BioFab to promote freedom of religion.

Truth - Truth is a comprehensive term that in all of its nuances implies honesty, accuracy, sincerity, integrity, and reality.

Love - A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection, devotion, and/or compassion toward a person.

Courage - The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or change with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.

Wisdom - Knowledge, and the capacity to use the best means for attaining the best ends; good judgment.

- The ability to produce through artistic or imaginative effort, characterized by originality and expressiveness.

Tolerance - The practice of recognizing and respecting the beliefs or practices of others.

Freedom - The power to act, speak, or think without externally imposed restraints.

Monday, March 08, 2010

For My Cutiepie - Little M

I wanted to ask whoever read this post, need to say a little prayer for my buddy Little M. My C.R.H.P. sisters know what I mean. They know she needs all the prayers she can get right now. We, I mean I feel deep inside she is slipping away, we need all the prayers in your heart and soul to give Little M, some guidance, some strength to come back to us, at church. I feel the person or persons pulling her away from us, from God. For her rightful place at his banquet. 

Let us all remember to pray for her...

In Your Name we pray...AMEN!

Bible Study

I have has a talk with Troy, and he has agreed with me that we are going to start a bible study group. well we are the bible study group in fact. God told me I had to start a bible study group for Troy and myself. Yes I know I better get learning and get used to being edited and grammar checked by the mean old one... Troy that is.. Yeah I know, I love him dearly and so do you... Thanks for getting me back on track for you. we all need to know you are there, but sometimes we forget to ask for your presence or guidance or whatever we may need. I know all in your time, not ours. I get that. I got that on Sunday. Gheez do you have to remind me all the time.. It's like having Brat girl one on my back... grrr...

Anyhow, I believe if any of my C.R.H.P. sisters read this post, there gonna think I totally wacked out and a complete nutter. Well yes I am using the slang and phrases I learn from my friends in County Cork, Ireland. I know they taught me a few bad things, but I got the job done didn't I? Of course I did. 

Having a bible study, not going to someone else's home and just gathering a few friends round. You need to get your immediate family round the kitchen table and [pull out a bible and just start reading and talking about what you are reading. REMEMBER to ask God into the presence of the bible study. Without him there is no use studying. Without him there, guiding you, showing you, and leading you what you need to know, read and feel about what you're reading. God is the main key here. Yes he is. I don't care what I would usually say, but deep down I know he is my Savior and he is the only one to guide me to eternity of living in the presence of God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost. Yes in the UK & Ireland we call the Holy Spirit, Ghost. Ask me and I will not know the answer. They just do, leave it at that please...

Once you've prayed for God's presence, you must begin to open your bible and just read. Once you've read a passage, talk to each other about what that told you, what it means to you and how can you put it into your daily life. Promise him to obey his commandments, to do his work and he will guide you till the ends of the earth. I know this, he is my Savior and I love him for teaching me that I had to suffer to be saved so I can help others deal with the same things I dealt with all my life. 

Just ask yourself one question...

What would you have done if God hadn't been there with you, suffered with you, cried with you, smiled with you and felt with you. Yes he knows what it's like to suffer, what it's like to feel sad, happy, depressed and unwanted and unloved. But the key is if you ask him into your heart and soul, he will gladly come and help you cope with whatever life throws at you.

May God Bless those who need blessing, heal for those who need healing, and comfort for the down trodden and love in spirit. In Your Name AMEN!

Cross, Candle, Bible

I wanted to talk about what doing Cross, Candle, Bible at our C.R.H.P. meetings mean to me. I know thy might mean a lot to you others who go to C.R.H.P. meetings and how it makes you feel about this has happened. I'm not sure how to word this, but I will give it a go. If I start rambling on, just ignore me okay. I tend to ramble and drift off topic most of the time. See I'm doing it now.. God help me for I ahve sinned against myself. I need your strength to get this post done and done right. I know I'm so much of a perfectionist. But you love me for it right?

I know God has always been there for me, but I haven't listened is the thing. See I'm talking about what here? Does this refer to anything. "Come on :Lisa Anne, get on topic girl. Does God need to spank your tush for getting off topic again."

Right back to the main point of this post. Cross, Candle, Bible means to me, You are letting God's spirit, his guiding spirit into the room, to preside over whoever is in the room. Lighting the candle, then putting on music to set the mood. Lighting the candle is like letting God know your are on his time and he is going to guide you all to say, read and think what you need to be thinking about. He knows yo by name, he can name everything you've ever done right and wrong.

You choose who is going to hold each item in Cross, Candle, Bible and who is going to choose the music. The music is key, as it lets you slowly let God into the room and he will watch over your all. Let you know he is there and you are his disciples, his messengers. That is what we all are.

Anyhow, Cross, Candle, Bible is a good thing to do even at your own home to set the mood for letting God into the room so he can guide you, strengthen you and help you learn the right way, the key way to keep to his word, which is in the Bible. It's God Manual for us to always refer back to when we need guidance, answers to questions and just to know he loves us and is there for us. All we have to do is ask for him to come into our hearts and guide us on our life given path.

I love going to C.R.H.P. meeting, but I think it's more fun to annoy and tease whoever comes to give me a ride to the meeting. I love all my girls, as they are the biggest part of my life. I would name them by first name, but I haven't gotten there permission. So I'll just say Brat one, and Brat two, and loveable one, loveable two, and cutiepie one, and cutiepie two... If they read this post, they'll have me tell who is who, but God has sworn me to total secrecy on that. Thank you Lord.

Once the Candle is lit, the cross is ready, we start the music. Then we walk into the room, holding Cross, Candle, Bible, placing the Cross down first, then Candle, last Bible, letting it open to wherever it does. That just means that's were God wants us to know more than anything else.

See I think I did it better than the other day.. Aren't I getting good God... See I am listening, just go off topic and ramble on like forever and a day at times. yes I know I'm doing it again.. Forgive me this time.. Love you and p[lease bless who needs it most... In God's name AMEN!

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Sunday Mass - Repentance

I woke up this morning n very intense pain, from my neck down to my ankles. My ankles and knee joints were very swollen, plus I was having pain spikes through the night, through most of the mass. Once Eucharist was done with,the pain spikes were gone, and the pain just the intense pain. I don't know what happened, but when I'm in such intense pain and getting massive pain spikes on a Sunday, once Eucharist is over with, the pain spikes are gone.

NOTE: Before 9:30am and before mass even started I was in intense pain and I thought that being at church would set off my usual flashbacks. Check sidebar for flashbacks in church.

What Happened in Church

Once mass started and I was sitting right up front, more than usual. Anyway, once Father George started mass off, I felt warm, glowing around me. Everyone just faded into the white cloud and disappeared. Even Troy faded away from my sight. Just out of nowhere I saw a white glowing figure coming towards me. Yes I usually see flashbacks, but this was not one of them. It was way different and I wasn't sure I wanted this person near me. I tried to get up and move, but my body was glued to the chair. I just couldn't move. Then this figure, ghost; put right hand on my head and took a hold of my left hand and smiled right at me.

I was no longer afraid. This being made me feel calm, loved and I felt love like I've never felt before in my life. I can't quite explain it, but I knew it was something strange. I even thought it was Satan or one of his followers, fallen angels. I started to remember what my stepfather would say to me. {One day you will be taken down to were you belong. To the depths of hell to rot and be in eternity damnation}. This was going through my head, I was afraid of being taken down to hell at this point. No voice or anything, came from this being.

"Listen to my child, you are my disciple, I will show you my world if you only listen to me". I thought I was going crazy and back to hearing voices in my head again that were meant to be there. "Listen to me, you are in my house. Accept me as your Savior, your Redeemer. Search your soul, your heart, your mind and listen with your whole being to my words." I looked to see if anyone else could see this being, hear this voice coming from the being. I was lost, I wanted out and to be able to run for my life, but I was glued to the spot.

Suddenly all my pain disappeared, I was shocked. This had never happened to me before EVER. I reached my right hand up to touch this being who hand their hand on my head. I reached, but all I could feel was warmth going in through my head and easing my pain slowly and I just heard the voice again. I thought  was going crazy. "Listen my child, you are mine. I knew you from the day you and Eion were conceived that you'd be my disciple. I knew that Thursday morning at 6:05am in Millstreet, County Cork, Ireland that you'd come to me and prepare a way for all to follow and be my disciples."

I thought I was going totally cuckoo and off my rocker at this point. Trying to fathom what was happening to me. I was wanted to scream out, for someone to get this being away from me. But each time I tried to scream, I couldn't talk. It was like my tongue was glued to the root of my mouth and I couldn't even open my lips to talk.It was as if they were glued together. My mouth was going dried than ever. I wanted water, to quench my thirst and get the dryness to be gone. But I just couldn't move and I couldn't talk so couldn't ask Troy to help me.

Trying to look around to signal someone to help me, but it looked like we were on a cloud and not in the church no more. This was way out of control and I wanted to get off this cloud and away from this being. I knew that it was something other than normal. Somehow I was feeling calm again.Was this person going to let me go I thought to myself.

Just then, I heard the voice again. "You are my disciple. You are my vessel. You are my Messenger to the people in Indiana, then in the world. You just have to let your mind, soul and heart listen to my words. You are my child from the day you were conceived and for all eternity." Now I felt like I was hearing this voice for a reason. I was no longer afraid. I was filled with love and happiness. Not sure how to explain this, but I felt whole, complete for the first time in my life.

"Listen child! I am your Savior, you God. Hear my words my child." I tried to look up at the face of this being, but his hand held my head firm and looking at the floor. Suddenly my mouth was no longer dry. It was moist and my tongue was able to move and so was my lips. Something was strange. I asked the being to tell me who he was. "I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Joseph, The God of David. This line from Adam to Me . I am God the Father, God the Son , God the Holy Spirit." Now these words echoed throughout my body.  then realised for the first time, I was being spoke to by God. I felt Honored, Glorified with his love. I was no longer afraid, I was happy, jolly and proud God had chosen me.

Just as he took his hand off my head, I felt all the intense pain rush back into my body. I was scared, felt alone and tried to reach out to Troy, but I noticed I was still on this cloud. "Believe me my child. Listen to my words. You are my chosen one." I tried to stand, but I couldn't get up, my legs were turning to jelly. Slowly I could feel myself moving, I was moving on the cloud. The being, I now know to be God. Smiled and waved me goodbye till I was back in church, sitting right next to Troy.

Deacon Kerry was reading the scripture from Luke. While the reading was being said, I could no longer hear God's voice. I listened to the reading. After I started to listen to father George's homily. The voice came back. I thought it was through with me, boy was I wrong. "Child, you need to know some important facts about your life. One you are and have always been close to my heart. I have watched you suffer, feel alone, unwanted and hurting every minute of your whole like this far. You needed to suffer, be in pain for a long time. While you suffered it made your heart cold and hardened. I wanted to to come to Indiana, to St Mark Catholic Church. You are going to be made an example to my people at St Mark and to everyone you come in contact with."

The voice stopped, I looked around everything was normal. The homily was over with.I was annoyed. I loved to listen to the homilies as they were the best thing in church and mass. "Listen, you don't need to hear what Father George is talking about. You are mine, you have always been mine since you were conceived in your mother's womb. You have to forgive yourself for your part in the demise of Maurice Riley. Forgive him for all he did to you. It was to strengthening you to be able to show others they can overcome many pains and still be my disciples. Do you understand?" I didn't know what to do or say. The pain in my back, knees were getting very intense and I was now getting pain spikes. worse than any I have ever hand. I said quietly in my mind, take these pain spikes and I will be your servant.

"Ask of me and you will receive." Then without fail the pain spikes were gone. I wanted to shout at the top of my voice that I had God in my life."You are not to shout out about what happened today. You write every time I come to you in your blog. It will be my tool to show your friends and foes that you are mine forever, from now to eternity. Accept ME into your life and let the world know you have faith and your writing will come in time." I nodded and said quietly I accept God into my life. "You will be my tool, my disciple. I will you you as my messenger to show everyone you are now whole in my name. Anyone who tries to hurt you will be taken down. They will know you are mine. Your foes will not die, but they will be shown you are with God and Christ. The Holy Spirit now lives in you. Show others you believe and they will follow you in example. Be blessed my child. You and Troy will start nightly scripture study and will come closer to me and he will know you are mine. He will follow you till the ends of the earth and be right by your side."

Just as he had spoken it was time to go get doughnuts. Troy helped me up and I walked into the shaffeur hall and sat down, while troy got me juice and doughnuts along with a piece of cake. I got Rebecca's email and I intend to let the girls know to read my blog and in hopes of them knowing I am now God's disciple and he is using me as his messenger in Indiana.

Poem - I'm a Survivor

That moment when I heard the door closing behind with all my memories inside, my heart stopped beating. I can't remember how I made it t...