Saturday, March 20, 2010

British Vs American

Today has been rather stressful in many different ways. First I was homesick, then I had to go out at 8:30 due to the terrible bus service in America, which is where I live right now. Yeah I know if I lived in England I could go out at anytime during 7am to 1am and go anywhere and at any time. The bus service in England was I could get a bus anywhere, and they ran every ten to fifteen minutes a day. Well on Monday to Saturday that was. On Sunday they ran every hour to half an hour depending on where you lived. Here in out part of America, on weekdays every thirty minutes Monday to Friday. Saturday every hour, Sunday every two hours. What are American's thinking. We have the right way to run a bus and trains service.

I do like the way the American say things at times. Don't get me wrong, I love England language and how we spell things RIGHT! not like the American's who can't spell for beans in my book. I have a feeling if I took my hubby to England he'd love the bus services, the train service and the health network. If I had a choice I'd go home, but I don't have a choice. I let God guide me to where I should live. I believe he guided me to America and to meet the people I have met and what goes on in my life.

I never really had a faith or believed in God that much when I was in England. I would go to church, but never really felt connected with God. I started searching for answers to many of my questions about belief and God and if he existed. Till I meet my husband and came to America to meet him, I gave up on God. I thought he wasn't listening to me or wanting to be in my life. But now I'm going to church every Sunday, going to my C.R.H.P. meetings. I have found God in such a way I believe he is guiding my hands and letting we work wonders with my writing and also with my prayers.

On the first or second Sunday of the Lenten season, I had such an experience I felt pain free for a little while. If you knew me, I have never been without pain in my whole life. Read the archive posts and you'll see what happened to me. I believe God is working hard in my life and I have actually got a connection with God firs the first time in my whole life. I feel alive and free. I can't explain to others about the feeling of having God inside me, but if you're a christian you'll know what I'm talking about. 

Anyhow, see I can ramble on for ages if I let myself. See going off topic again, Lisa Anne think girl. Yes I talk to myself even when I'm writing about my day. God help me. Right now I feel God talking to me and he never stops talking when I'm writing, praying or just listening to things in church or at my C.R.H.P. meetings with my girls.  Yeah, I believe the girls have touch my heart and have let me be me till I was ready to let God touch me and lead me into the work he has for me. Yeah, I know I always told myself when I was back in England I would never listen to God as he took my only family that loved me away and since then I have been alone. 

Friday, March 19, 2010

Ramblings of a Crazie Catholic

Right, what should I say now, I'm not even sure myself. See I am going on a big rambling mood.My friends from church and my family here in America will say I might be crazy and a bit weird, okay a lot weird and crazy. To some of my friends I get called Jools, others call me Irish Brat, other just call me... I know at my age I should know what to say and do each night, but I'm afraid I have to shock you. I might be 41yrs, but I act like a big giant kid most the time. If you don't know me ask my friends...

Right I have been changing my profile on blogger and also searching for some nice artwork or weird saying. I came across a blog that was something of a inspiration to me. Yeah, it was a christian blog and it had verses from the bible. I haven't read my bible today, Yeah I know I need to be spanked.. come on make my day.. (_|_) spank it if ya dare...

Right the real reason why started this post is to talk about blessing we get from God. I have never thought of having a relationship with God as a blessing, but it is. Think about it,  we have a connection with God because we have the right to choose to. Think of the people who don't get that chance. Imagine you live in a country, a far away country that if you're caught reading a bible or praying you'll get arrested and tortured because you are a believer. How would that feel? What would you do if you wasn't allowed to worship God and talk with him in prayer? We would all be lost.

Yes I think having the right to have free speech and the right to worship and go to church and celebrate Easter, not just the Easter about Easter eggs and chocolate feasts. But the religious reason we have Easter after all. Yes we have to thank God for sending his only begotten son to earth, so we can have everlasting life and have a way to go to heaven and be with God once again. Wouldn't you like to be able to worship were you like, when you like and even have parties and let your friends know you worship God and are thankful.

I am thankful for the blessing to have the right to speak out in public about my faith and letting others know I read the bible, i live what it says and won't be frightened of getting arrested and thrown into jail for what we believe. I hope you are as thankful and proud you have the right to worship and be proud to be a catholic, christian or whatever religion you are!

Be Proud, Be Good, Praise God, Forever!

For Beginners or Oldies

If you haven't got a connection with God, Christ or the Holy Spirit, I ask you to pray and ask him, into your heart, soul and body. Without God you can't do anything. Trust me I know this from my own experiences. Yes I was once a non-believer; now I am a true believer and glad to call myself a christian and catholic.

If your putting all your energies into work, fun and life and getting nothing in return, ask God to come into your life. I became a christian at the first Sunday or Lent. I did the R.C.I.A. classes, and then kept going to church and knowing that God was in my life, but I wasn't believing fully in him. I would pray only if someone I knew was sick, or I was in intense pain. I felt my prayers were going to nowhere, this made me stop praying and stop believing in God for a long time.

Don't get me wrong, I went to church, read the Bible and just took my pain meds and my meds for my asthma and mental health issues. Anyhow, I kept thinking about why God was working in other peoples lives and not mine. why was I so different. I actually started to believe what my mother and step-father used to tell me growing up. That I wasn't one of God's children, but one of Satan's children. I actually believed I would go to help as I was always told I was bad and evil. If you have a family that doesn't look after you, or abused ypou in any way. You need to get away from them and try and get help and guidance from social workers, but also ask GOD into your life. He will help you, you may not believe me, but this actually happened to me.

On the first Sunday of Lent, I prayed from leaving to go to church. Our friend Suzie Q picked us up and we went to church. While I was listening to the singing, the scriptures being read and the homily, I felt God enter my body and touch me. I was pain free for about 15-20minutes. If you let God into your life I believe he will touch you and help you heal from whatever you need healing from. Trust me it will happen, but not on our time. Never on our time. It is always on his time, God tells us what time and space he will work in us. So just be prepared for the time...

Deep Thoughts

Today was starting off as a very stressful morning. I usually like Fridays and have fun watching videos on YouTube. Yes i have been watching more and more of my fave videos on YouTube. At around 1pm-2pm today my BIL took me and my partner to the local library. I got some books on Christianity and Catholicism.

I've been reading a lot of Christian books, mainly non-fiction. Some I got today are about Saints, Catholic Beliefs, and about the Sacraments of the Catholic Faith. a month ago I would have told you religion and going to church was rubbish and I wasn't going to do. As I am listening to Catholicism 101(10DVD set) is all about the catholic faith and talking about the bible and how you can ask God to enter your body, mind and soul and you can be saved.

Right now it's 4:10pm this afternoon and this disc I'm listening to is speaking to me, my heart is softening and I am allowing God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost to enter my body. I am feeling such a light is lifted from my pain and life past. I now want to know more about this God and how he can save me from myself. Yes I am different from my church friends. I am not straight, but am gay male in a female body. To some this maybe strange. But To me it's my life and I believe God made me this way. It will in time make me so strong that I can do anything for God and be his worker, his disciple. He lives in me and will always.

Remembering God

This morning I was woken up, by some noise I was hearing. Sitting up in bed thinking about what had woken me up. Yes I thought of the cats, but Emily was asleep on the bottom of my bed, and Pacer was in the living room. So who knows what woke me up. All I know is I wasn't having a peaceful night. I'd had nightmares during the night.

Finally getting out of bed around 7am this morning. I sat on the couch, and put my laptop on my lap and started to watch some videos on YouTube to try and get myself out the bad mood I was in. But watching videos about serial killers wasn't going to cheer me up. I knew this. But I have a thing right now, I like watching about serial killers or just cold case files on YouTube. I started to think maybe I should be watching something God or Jesus would if they were me. So I started to search YouTube for some christian music. This was cheering me up a little. I wanted the cats to come to me, but they were in a mood. While listening to the christian music videos, I closed my eyes for a second and I let my heart find peace. I then began to pray in the silence of my heart and found peace.

While I had my eyes closed, I could feel God's spirit enter my heart and take away the bad feelings and insert the good feelings. I felt at peace and let God be my guide for the rest of the day. I believe we all need to close our eyes everyday and just let God's spirit enter our beings, heart and soul. To let him work in us and show us his glory, his love, his presence.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Fact Vs Faith

I would be the first to say that religion is just a big bunch of nothing. Ever since my grandmother died when I was in my early 20's. She taught me one thing, that you can't judge people, which I don't. but I needed to know some facts to actually believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost thingy. She would always throw the bible at me as it was fact and knowledge. I would let her ramble on about religion and how greatful she was to have it in her life.

I was never much into reading books or anything growing up. This was due to my education. I never learned how to read well, but I knew enough to get by. Now I live in America and not in my home country. I do miss home, and miss being able to visit my grandmother's grave to put flowers on it and to talk with her. Living in America is hard at to not be able to contact with family. I actually miss the food from home, than the family and friends.

My life partner is a cradle catholic, and I hated that religion from the get go. Yes my family were Catholics and they abused me from such a young age. Anyhow, I found myself trying to trust this family who was accepting me into their fold. I know, believing in God or other people who were Christians were my enemies.  I have to think if this God does exist, why hadn't helped me at any time during my life, my destroyed life. Yes my youth was dostroyed by my family the abusive people who destroyed my childhood and life.

Now I know one thing, Maybe this God is out there and if he is, maybe he can help me heal from the many years of abuse from family and friends from England. The only thing that worries me, is if I believe or trust the people around me right now. I feel that I'm not all woman, I know my body is female, but my mind isn't female.

I have researched about what Catholics believe on the net all day today. I have realized one thing, that if the person I love, is a christian and catholic, maybe I want to get to know what my partner believes in and maybe the others that occupy this body, this mind that maybe in time I can actually believe in this God in time. I know the others in this body believe in God and have immense faith and trust. But me, I am very doubtful about believing in God or anything I can't see or touch.

Catholic Vs Christianity

I was shocked at the news about a catholic priest in Ireland accused of sexual abuse of children in Ireland. I know that catholic priest are the first to hit the news. But if a baptist, church of England, Methodist, or any other religion paster or vicar, they wouldn't hit the news as badly as priests do. I know there are other who use their religion to abuse children, not just catholics and I feel this is the end of the times like prophesying in Revelations. I believe God is keeping a watchful eye on everyone and soon he will reign down on the wicked.

I wish they'd get the other pedophiles into the paper, that weren't catholic. I know my church is a good and wholesome church. But men and women alike will use there faith to abuse children and teens and young adults that are vunerable and weak. These children, teens and young adults are at the pray of these people. I just hope God is going to go to there aid. Actually I don't hope, I know he will!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Ranting on like usual

I've been bored and with nothing to do all day. I must admit I did go to my therapist appointment this morning and then to docs at 1pm. Now I am bored and collecting some clip-art and other pics for my own pleasure and hopefully for my blog here. I have a C.R.H.P. meeting tonight and I have a feeling I am going to get a message from you-know-who. Yes, I mean Jesus or God or the Holy Spirit. I have a feeling that he is going to help me say a prayer again. Right now I'm trying to uninstall.

I found the picture above and thought it might be talking about me and what is happening to me this Lenten season. Ever since has Lent has started. I have never thought he listened to my prayers of help and guidance. Then it happened. If you wanna know more, read my first posts to this blog. I realized that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit is guiding me, showing me the path I have to tread.

St Patrick's Day

Just wanted to put something here for today.I'm part Irish so I thought this pic was deserved. If you are part Irish or just wanna celebrate the day. Go to any Irish bar or pub and have a good jar of green beer and some green eggs and ham... Have fun...

Baptist Vs Catholic: The Lord's Prayer

Catholic:- The Lords Prayer   
Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
 But deliver us from evil... Amen

Baptist:- The Lords Prayer
Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever... Amen.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Experience at Church

Well after my partner's experience last week, I decided to try it for myself this week. I closed my eyes and opened my heart to God. He talked to me. He told me that there would be a new path for us soon, but it wasn't quite time yet. However, as a preview, he gave me the feeling of unconditional love. Without a doubt, it was the best thing I ever experienced. Now I understand what God means when he says he loves you unconditionally and I hope all others can experience the same thing in his or her life.

Poem - I'm a Survivor

That moment when I heard the door closing behind with all my memories inside, my heart stopped beating. I can't remember how I made it t...