Showing posts from March 21, 2010

Inspiration From Music

All the morning, I was sleeping most of it. I was tired and exhausted from the late night. Yeah I spent some time with Emma posting to our group and just chatting to 2am in the morning. Now it's 1:49pm and I'm just about up and ready to face the world. I know going to bed that late isn't good for you. The thing is if I stay up late, I end up sleeping better and getting a good quality mount of sleep. Not that I don't go to bed early, if I have an appointment the night after.

I ahve been downloading some music and this has been relaxing me quite a bit. The thing is the music titles and words are giving me thought to think about where I am in life and what I wanna do about the journey I'm now taking with God and my whole identity issues. I have left the choice in Gods hands now as I do want to change, but I know that if I make the decisions I will go down the wrong path. Leaving it in God's hands is what I know I need to do. I hate the thought of not being able to…

Catholic Vs Gender Dysphoria

I have come to get a closer look at my faith and my gender issues. I was at a church meeting tonight, I so wanted to tell the girls I was a gay male, but knew they might not understand. After listening to Helen's family problems so I knew it wasn't time to come out to my friends. I so longed for my girls to know the real me, and what I go through every single day. I wanted to tell my church friends about my true identity. Being a gay male inside a female body was torture every single minute. Wanting support and guidance from my friends, but knew it wasn't time. 
I got home around 9:40pm and I talked with my partner before they went to bed for the night. They have work in morning. Right now I am watching some crime show on you-tube. This is getting my mind of the thought of nightmares about my partners mother and her surgery. I want to find something inside myself to understand and tell the people in my life, that mean the world to me that I was hiding a dark secret. I wante…

Words or Emotions?

I have found a music site, well not found, but I became a member of this site and now I'm, planning on building a PlayList.Com with christian songs and put them onto this blog. Yeah, this blog is gonna be the start of my ministry in the world. I one day will become a missionary. Yeah, I know me, a disabled person be a missionary. well I believe God is guiding me to show people in my life, that I've always told I would never amount to anything. Boy was I way off beat. God has shown me this Lenten season, that he has a mission for me and my partner. Yeah, I hate to admit this, but I have found God signalling that I have a job for his glory, not mine.

One day I will be used in God's Glory! I believe God is guiding us all, we just have to listen and believe and mostly trust in his guiding way. He shows us the right path to walk, but if you're not listening you're going to be lead down the bad path, well not bad, but wrong path. Believing in God is the first step in sal…

God's Commandments

God wants His children to be happy.  For this reason He gave us commandments and instructions to follow them.  Where you might ask. In the Bible, the Manual God gave us to understand his wisdom and guidance. I have never before understood the importance of following the Commandments in the bible. To me the bible was a old, out dated book with just jibberish of old men. Today I came into the knowledge of God and what his role in my life was going to be from now on, till I die and return to him.

I believe God has given us a precious book. The Holy Bible, a manual, a guide book to get back to him one day. If anyone lacks wisdom let him ask of God. This is from James in the new testament. Yeah, me Jools Alexander Xavier have realized that I want, no have to have in my life. You need to ask yourself, what does God have to do with my life and what I do with it. The thing is if you read and study the Holy Bible, you can get to understand why we need to not just read, and study…

Christian Saints

Well now I'm fully awake and trying to figure out what the day has for me to do and experience. I started to hear the voice of reasoning and God. I started to research about the saints of all time. I found some interesting facts about some of the saints. Like I found out about the saint I chose to be my saint to always follow. St Clare Montefalco, also known as St Clare of the Cross. She was the one that spoke to me at the end of my R.C.I.A. classes before I was confirmed a full member of the catholic faith.

Think for a moment, if you are named after a saint, or you picked a name of a certain saint when you were confirmed or given first communion. Think, then look up about that saint and pray to God and your saint to give you guidance and know that saint is in you and believe in God and never forget the saints. They made it possible for us all to be able to believe, prayer and have the right to choose what religion we want, to choose to go to mass or church.

Tuesday Boredom

I woke up from a bad night, wanting to do something, but couldn't get the inspiration to write. I started to hear his voices again, like I have nothing better to do than listen to God's voice. Doesn't he ever stop? Well with me it seems he wants me to be aware and let people know he is there and if you want to have a closer look into your hear, soul, mind and body, he'll come to you too. Maybe I should get him to go to Suzie and she can deal with his voice and talking to her. But no it's me he talks to. Why me? Why not someone else?

Why me?
Well I believe he is talking tom be because he needs me to know of his thoughts and feeling about my life and the lives of others around me. Maybe if I had to think long and hard, I believe he is talking to me, to help me better understand the working of God and how he has always been with me throughout my life. I sure wish he go talk with my family, maybe get them to understand that I, yes I am free from them. Don't get me w…

Who is St Patrick?

Those who recognize St. Patrick's Day celebrate it very differently depending on where they're from, and believe it or not, it's the United States that has turned the Emerald Isle's namesake tradition into a huge party scene, when its original intent was to be observed as a religious holiday.

For thousands of years, Irish Catholics have traditionally celebrated St. Patrick's Day by attending church in the morning and celebrating in the afternoon with a huge feast, honoring Ireland's patron saint. Even though March 17 falls in the middle of Lent when Catholics were forbidden to eat meat, this was waived in Ireland for feasting -- mostly on cabbage and Irish bacon, according to

Today, corned beef and cabbage is the traditional St. Patrick's Day meal, and in 2005, Americans consumed 2.4 billion pounds of cabbage, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

But who was Saint Patrick? The truth is, much of his life is a mystery. One of the m…

Lent: Repentance

Yes today was the repentance part of the Lenten season. I was not in a good mood this morning, but I knew once I got to church things would change. Yes, things did change. The ride to church with Lourdes and her daughter Robin were enjoyable. Lourdes always makes me smile and with her bubbly personality she brings God and his word into your hearts.

Today during mass, I felt sad and alone. I sat there thinking about many different things. First, Why is God talking to me? What did I do wrong? why can't he just get the heck out of my head? If these questions come to you, then you are lucky. Yes very lucky. At first I felt angry and annoyed that God had started to speak to me and tell me about things in my life that I had to endure. Why? I asked myself many times. Th answer is God has a plan for us all. He is going to carry you if you are weak and feeble. Yes we all have moment that make us weak and feeble.

First things first. Once I sat down in the chapel, I felt a presence enter me.…