Thursday, May 06, 2010

Thursday Evening

Tonight has been a rather stressful evening so far. I got angry at computer, phone and my partner. My anger started at low and raised into millions in seconds. I grabbed my bible and turned to Sirach and started to read, then my partner joined me and we studied and read from the bible. This was the best thing I'd done with my partner in months. Reading scripture was very enlightening and good for spiritual growth.

The main point of this post, is that what makes you compelled to write. For the first thing is I believe God gave me the talent for writing. I love writing because it lets me talk about what is in my heart to talk about. I don't write to gain financial promise. I write for the enjoyable feeling I get once I finished a project. I believe in writing if it is in your heart to write. If not, than I suggest you just read books , rather than writing...

Thursday Afternoon

It's now 3:05pm and right now I've been thinking about what is going on inside my mind, body and heart. Being different from most of the people at my church is hard. I'm transgendered, but with no wish of changing my body. What is given to me, makes me stronger and wiser with God at my side. Also I've got pluckera of mental illnesses. I have DID/MPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Mood disorders, and anxiety.

Sometimes I find it hard to get through a day without hurting myself. Hurting myself does help to a certain degree, but not fully the way I'd like. Learning right now that doing this to take my thoughts off self-harm to do productive things instead. Right now I read my bible when I get the urge to hurt myself, either by cutting or burning. I know if I pray God will give me strength, but I'm not sure I want strength.

My best friend from Mass, he is what I call a cheer me up friend. If he's online I feel 100% better. Also I'm reading through my binder, my DBT Binder. This binder has a lot of skills that help me deal with certain emotions and feelings running through my head. My partner is my strongest person I can say I love, and they love me. Being at church, in a bookstore or just outside of the apartment I cheer up a little and know God is guiding my thougth outside. but inside I feel like the devil is trying to hurt me, with voices and images I see throughout the apartment.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

UK Old Time Rhyme

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
Guard the bed that I lie on
Four corners to my bed
Four angels round my head,
One to watch and one to pray
And two to bear my soul away

The rhyme above is one I grew up as a child. It used to help me know God was there and he sent his angels to watch over us. To this day, I say this rhyme nightly as it helps me sleep.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Jesus Journey in Life - Our Journey

Today I have been watching three films on youtube; called Christ's Life. While watching these videos, I have to to a deeper understanding of God and what my purpose is in this life. I believe he will heal me of my afflictions. I suffer from a few different mental health issues, plus asthma, eplilepsy, and chronic pain in back and legs. The pain gets very intense and I have found light in my pain. The light is God given me these illnesses to make me a stronger person and to be his disciple. Being a disciple is hard work. You need to pray daily, read and study scripture daily and believe in Jesus and his journey for us.

Before I found my place in this world, I was lost and empty all the time. Now I believe in God, Christ and the Holy Ghost. I pray every morning and every night. Prayer has been my saving grace. Knowing that whatever I suffer, in the Lord's name I will be given many blessing from God. For God created the world, the universe and every living thing that lives on the earth, in the oceans and in the skies. He created us, in his own image. This means that evolution is a myth and not proven. Creation is the right path.

Right now it's 18:48 and I'm waiting o dinner being cooked so I can nourish my body with food. But remember we must not live on bread alone, but use God's word to nourish our minds and soul. If you are a christian, then follow God's and Christ's journey and put it in effect. This means, read scripture, pray for guidance, strength and nourishment from God to show you the way, the right direction back to him.

St Patrick - Catholic Faith

Patrick was a humble, pious, gentle man, whose love and total devotion to and trust in God should be a shining example to each of us. He feared nothing, not even death, so complete was his trust in God, and of the importance of his mission.

St Patrick was a good man, a believer of the faith. Being catholic is a privilege I believe. Some people at church, go every Sunday and take communion and then go home and aren't very christian like. There are good people in this world who believe in God, Christ and the Holy Ghost. Believing is one thing, but  actually doing what is stated in the bible is another.

Right now, I've been reading and studying my bible. Trying to be a good example to my friends and family. It's hard to dedicate time to God, but we all should dedicate at least thirty minutes or more to prayer, and bible study. If you believe in God and Christ, read the bible, it is written by man, but these men were in deed inspired of God.  God created this world, and gave us the freedom to choose to believe or no believe. 

It's now13:43 and while I'm writing this I'm also reading/studying my bible. This is something I have to do daily. Not through choice, but through the love of God and Christ. He was sent to us, so we can see the mighty unconditional love of God. Yes he loves us even when he are not listening to him. You need to listen, he is there, listen to his guiding words.

Poem - I'm a Survivor

That moment when I heard the door closing behind with all my memories inside, my heart stopped beating. I can't remember how I made it t...