Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sunday Mass and Prayer

At church, I wasn't sure if I wanted to prayer. I closed my eyes once I positioned my chair. I hate having to use my chair, but I get so dizzy I collapse or I'm in intense pain in knees, lower back and my ankles are constantly swollen. For the past month, I'd been without my laptop. Now that I have it, I'm thankful for the guy who fixed my computer and to God for helping me get through the last month.

After the Eucharist I felt compelled to pray. I'd said a short one before the start of mass. That was a thank you note to God. But this time I was compelled to say a long prayer unto Mary and one to the Holy Ghost. While praying as they started singing the last song. I heard from God. I know it was him. He touch me. I felt warm, cosy and content deep inside. I asked for peace, and for forgiveness for all my sins.

It was like for years I'd never felt loved, but I now know that I needed God to enter my whole body and mind, for me to know true unconditional love. I now know my partner loves me. I know my friends care about me and I don't have to buy their love. I also feel free, free from my family and their not so nice abuse they thrust onto me. I'm glad I'm not in England, but I can't wait to be an American. I hope it's soon...

Poem - I'm a Survivor

That moment when I heard the door closing behind with all my memories inside, my heart stopped beating. I can't remember how I made it t...