Sunday, October 24, 2010

Daily Scripture: Job 42:1-6

Job 42:1-6
Job Speaks
I Admit That I Was Wrong
1Then Job answered the Lord,

2 “I know that you can do everything
and that your plans are unstoppable.

“You said, ‘Who is this that belittles my advice without having any knowledge about it?’
Yes, I have stated things I didn’t understand, things too mysterious for me to know.

“You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak. I will ask you, and you will teach me.’

I had heard about you with my own ears, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.

That is why I take back what I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show that I am sorry.” 

This scripture talks about trusting in God and letting him guide you. Don't trust your own thoughts and beliefs. Believing in God and letting him know when you lack things. Not knowing is what we are here to learn about. I learned this morning that I have to be patient and give God the time to fulfill when I have to do with my life on earth. He is my guide and He is your guide. Speak to him each day, whether or not you read the bible. Pray!

Sunday Mass: 24th October

This morning I woke up, in such great anguish and pain. I wanted to lay there and not move, as every movement I made sent great painful pain spikes throughout my whole body. I knew we had church, but I felt I wasn't going to go and stay home and rest. I've had three restless nights. I sleep, but have constant nightmares. I can't deal with such flashback and nightmares since starting therapy with Joyce. The therapy is going alright, it's helping me understand my past and the abuse I suffered at the hands of my family.

I got my partner and husband to get me up and help me dressed. thinking about church and if I truly wanted to go. just as I was thinking about calling Suzie to say I didn't want to go, she arrived and my husband helped me get out to the car. I climbed into the front seat and buckled up. My pain spikes were intense and along with the flashback I wanted to die. knowing that I couldn't die. My new family here in Indiana would miss me and I would leave a gaping big hole in their hearts.

All during church I persevered all through the service. Every moment I got pain spikes I closed my eyes and asked God to take my pain. By the end of mass, after I partook of the Eucharist, suddenly for five minutes I was without any pain. During the minutes of being without pain, I heard a loud voice. looking around and the church but I wasn't in church, I took a second look. I was somewhere completely pure white and in a midst of glowing white and in pure health. I stood and walked towards the light. the pure whiteness of the light. I reached my hands forward like the voice told me and I walked into the arms of an angel. the person had glowing white wings, a perfect smile and in a white robe. "You will come here one day. Just not right now. You are going to be healed. Give it time. You have far to go, remember to pray and keep Christ and God on the top of your to-do-list." After this I was back in my wheelchair and church was singing the last song of the service.

Poem - I'm a Survivor

That moment when I heard the door closing behind with all my memories inside, my heart stopped beating. I can't remember how I made it t...