Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Death and Holding onto Your Faith

It's been a while since writing on this blog. I know that God wants me to write more on here. I've felt I was losing my faith in God and Christ since my mother-in-Law Barbara died. She died in October 2011. I found it hard blogging or even reading my Bible since then. This year I lost my best friend Mary-Lynn. She was so good to me. She was my sponsor to becoming an American. Plus, she got me through R.C.I.A. in 2006 -2007. I still have the [pictures of my confirmation to become a Catholic. Now she is gone. I know she isn't in pain no more, but I miss her terribly.

Barbara and Mary-Lynn both died from different forms of cancer. I was a survivor or it. I still ask myself why I survived and they died. Still this made me reconsider that maybe God isn't real. Maybe he doesn't exist. I doubted my faith since the death of Mary-Lynn. I thought why would a loving God take someone who helped so many people and touch so many hearts. She is an inspiration to those she touched. I still remember when Deacon Kerry said about her happy dance.

Mary-Lynn did a happy dance when I was confirmed Easter 2007. I remember turning around after my first taste of the Eucharist and how my body felt when I had it in my mouth and swallowed it and then the wine (Jesus Christ's blood). I felt I was touch by an angel and God was inside me. I lost that last week. I hadn't even read or studied my Bible since Barbara died. I didn't think he was there for us, well me in particularly. He wasn't there for me at all. He wasn't there for Barbara or her family, my family.

Last night I watched What If? A movie with Kevin Sorbo in. He was given a second chance at a life he could have had if he didn't have his riches and such. The way he felt and the way he acted in the movie made me reconsider my life and ask myself What If? I picked up my Bible and opened it up and read some scripture. I also prayed a little in the silence of my heart. Asking God if he is truly there to touch my heart, to send the Holy Spirit into my body and show me the right path I should be going on.

This morning I did the exact same as last night. Picked up my Bible and read it, prayed about what I read. I felt a sudden surge of calm come over me. I knew then and there he is there for me. I had just stop talking to him. Now he is in my heart and I believe Mary-Lynn got him to guide me to reading my Bible again. I will study and read it daily till I can be with my lost loved ones.

If you even wonder like I did if he truly is there for us. The answer is yes. He is there. We have to keep on talking to him. Keep on learning about his plan in our lives.

Poem - I'm a Survivor

That moment when I heard the door closing behind with all my memories inside, my heart stopped beating. I can't remember how I made it t...