Our Spiritual Journey

Poem - Thank You Lord

2012-01-21T13:51:00.000-05:00

Thank you Lord for the way you love

By giving us more than just enough

When we pray to you up-rightly

Never do you refuse our plea

It may take time to receive your gifts

But we know in our hearts how your Spirit lifts

And gives to us what we need and when

For we’ve seen it happen again and again

Thank you Lord for your perfect will

Teaching us when we’re calm and still

How you think, act and wield your power

At the wisest and most perfect hour

We come to praise and thank you Lord

To worship you in one accord

To say in truth how much we love you

For there is no one else above you

In The Love of Jesus

2012-01-01T13:36:00.002-05:00

We walk each day

Alive in the love of Jesus

For when we pray

Our Father in heaven sees us

We suffer pain

In search of the perfect reason

Cleansed of the stain

And free from the sinner’s season

In the love of Jesus

We take our chances

Re-born at the perfect hour

We dance our dances

And trust in the Father’s power

We sing our song

In tune with a heavenly chorus

As we grow strong

In love with a God who’s for us

In the love of Jesus

So sing along

And let our father love us

We can’t go wrong

When we enter His heaven above us

In the love of Jesus

Perfection lives

In the love of Jesus

Fourth Sunday of Advent - Vision

2011-12-18T13:06:00.000-05:00

This morning I was in so much pain I didn't want to go to church. But I had this feeling I had to go and manage through the intense pain in my back and knees. Suzie was late picking us up. She was late due to her car not starting due to the frost. We went into the chapel, I sat there listening to the choir singing. They were good. They made church bearable for me. I sat down and with eyes open, I said a quick prayer. The prayer was for the girls I hold dear to my heart who needs God's love and spirit.

After the Eucharist, I sat down and closing my eyes, I prayed as hard as I could for Lourdes and Amy. They have been in my constant thoughts this past week. I will remember I have it good. Most people, even my girls get it hard sometimes. Amy is struggling and I want her to be at peace with God's Spirit in her, working wonders. I also hope Lourdes and Robin have God's Spirit with them also. They are also struggling with money worries and other problems.

During my prayer, I was whisked away. I was not in my seat, I was on a cloud with God's Angels. There was two of them this time. They showed me what my future holds for me and my husband. I will sell my books, but not till my time is here. Plus they told me in words I couldn't expect to hear. "God has chosen you to be his light. You will guide young children and teenagers back to him. You will show them God has not forgotten their struggles and he is there for them always. Also he wants you to show the youth and young adults that God is there if they just ask him into their hearts."

After they stopped talking I saw Nana Lily and Barbie standing before me and they each cuddled me. It felt so good. They also told me to not worry. To stop being sad and start to be happy. They were special to me in my life. "Child, I love you very much. You need to follow God's Spirit and let him guide me through the trails I have. Rest in God in all things." Nana Lily told me in her words. "Also remember that I love you also. We are happy here. There is a place for you up here. Just not right now. You must write, and spread God's Spirit and unconditional love to the youth and young adults on earth." Barbie added. I smiled and hugged both. I felt them hugging me like they were alive.

Within seconds I was back sitting next to my husband and we were finishing up mass. Something from my vision told me I will be famous. Just not wealthy. I just want to spread God's love to all who need it. I am thankful for what God has done for me, given me and I must let him guide and show me the right path.

Song - Flying Without Wings

2011-12-09T16:09:00.000-05:00

Everybody's looking for a something

One thing that makes it all complete

You'll find it in the strangest places

Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children

Some find it in their lover's eyes

Who can deny the joy it brings

When you've found that special thing

You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning

Some in their solitary lives

You'll find it in the words of others

A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship

The kind you cherish all your life

And when you know how much it means

You've found that special thing

You're flying without wings

So, impossible as it may seem

You've got to fight for every dream

‘Cause who's to know which one you let go

Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you

To watch the sunrise on your face

To know that I can say I love you

At any given time or place

It's little things that only I know

Those are the things that make you mine

And it's like flying without wings

‘Cause you're my special thing

I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins

And you'll be where it ends

I'm flying without wings

And that's the joy you bring

I'm flying without wings

Come to Me - In Memory of my Mother-in-Law

2011-12-05T16:11:00.001-05:00

Come to Me
God say you getting tired
when a cure was not to be
so he put his arms around you
and whispered ‘Come to Me’
You didn’t deserve
what you were going through
and so He gave you rest
God’s garden must be beautiful
He Only takes the best
And when I was you sleeping
so peaceful and free of pain
I could not wish you back
to suffer that again

Barbara, I miss you, so does your family here on Earth. I want you to know we love you. You are always in our hearts. Without you, we are lost. The only thing that keeps us going is knowing we will one day be with you again. You will always be in my memories and they are all good ones. You boys will stay strong. I will make sure the family stays together. Fred will be fine. He is in good hands…

Song - You Raise Me Up

2011-12-05T16:09:00.001-05:00

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up… To more than I can be.

There is no life – no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up… To more than I can be.

You raise me up… To more than I can be.

Scripture - Ephesians 5:1-2

2011-09-19T12:58:00.000-04:00

So be imitators of God, as beloved children,2and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma.

Faith - If you Believe, it will Happen.

2011-09-19T12:19:00.000-04:00

If you have faith in GOD, you'll know and feel the presence of God and Christ n you heart. I study the bible each day. It shows me that God and His son Christ loves us, Christ gave his life so we can have life eternal. Plus we have God's unconditional love. This love shows us what God did for us. He gave his only begotten son so we in time with be with them in heaven.

Song - I'm a Child of God

2011-09-18T18:08:00.001-04:00

I am a child of God,

And he has sent me here,

Has given me an earthly home

With parents kind and dear.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,

Help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do

To live with him someday.

I am a child of God,

And so my needs are great;

Help me to understand his words

Before it grows to late.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,

Help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do

To live with him someday.

I am a child of God.

Rich blessings are in store;

If I but learn to do his will

I'll live with hime once more.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,

Help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do

To live with him someday.

I am a child of God.

His promises are sure;

Celestial glory shall be mine

If I can but endure.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me,

Help me find the way.

Teach me all that I must do

To live with him someday.

God Speaks to your Soul

2011-08-20T20:10:00.000-04:00

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of yourpeace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And wherethere is sadness, joy.

O DivineMaster, grant that I may not so much seek

To beconsoled as to console;

To beunderstood as to understand;

To be lovedas to love.

For it is ingiving that we receive;

It is inpardoning that we are pardoned;

And it is in dying tatwe are born to eternal life… Amen

This prayer spoke to me when I found it in a box of books while unpacking in the bedroom. We'd recently moved into a new apartment July 1st. it made me stand back and think about God and his role in our lives. I know that I try to pray daily and study his word. The thing is sometime we forget or get too busy. We as a christian nation need to stop and spend just five minutes with him. He can strengthen and guide us wherever we're meant to be going.

I read this and now I want to make more of an effort to keep God in the foremost part of our mind, body and soul. I'm a catholic and I love going to mass on Sunday's and partake of the Eucharist, listen to the homily. Even when we have visiting priest and other people talking to us as a christian nation. God knows how we feel. He knows what we go through. Remember he created us. While he created us, he also can number each hair strand on our body, whether on our head or a different place. He can number each one. This is something we have to remember. By His grace we are born and alive.

Just think about how we are built. You wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for God. He sent his only begotten son to give us eternal life. Due to the sin with the first parents on earth. This is Adam and Eve. We are human, we make mistakes and that is why God set Christ to earth so we will be forgiven and get eternal life forever. Think about it. Without Christ's life, death and resurrection. We have eternal life. What a wonderful gift he gave for us all who believe in Him.

Remember: If you believe in the Son(Christ) you are also believing in God the father also, plus the Holy Ghost...

Visions from God

2011-08-07T16:57:00.001-04:00

I had a vision at church after theEucharist. I was lifted up into the clouds. I was taken by an angel and toldthat things will get better and that I need to accept the facts about my MIL.She had done her job on earth. I wanted to ask questions, but when I tried totalk nothing came out. I had lost my voice. I was also shown myself in a bookstore signing autographs for books I’d written. It was so overwhelming. First Iwas told about my Mil and then about my writing. Then just as they were closingthe service, I was back on the chair in church. I now know that God sent hisangel to show me things I needed to understand about life.

Working for the Lord

2011-06-04T17:06:00.000-04:00

Poem - Good Christian

2011-04-22T17:38:00.001-04:00

You tell me you're a good Christian,
That's what you have confessed.
You act like you know everything,
Like you're divinely blessed.

You look down on those around you,
With judgment in your eyes.
You cannot be one of the flock,
You want the shepherd's prize.

You claim to know the mind of God,
He whispers in your ear.
You say He shares His will with you,
And you share what you hear.

You act like you're above it all,
Like you are free of sin.
And if we do not follow YOU,
Our souls will be condemned.

But if rebuke should come your way,
With scripture on its side,
You'll just attack my character
With venom born of pride.

You claim to be a good Christian,
But I will disagree.
The one who must exalt himself,
Will never truly see.

For self is all your eyes behold,
To God's will, you are blind.
And if the flock should follow you
A pit is all they'll find.

For he who leads, but can't be led,
Is inane and hollow.
While your own pride and vanity
Are the gods you follow.

The one who lies in our Lord's name
Exalts himself to men.
He blasphemes the Holy Spirit,
And can't be freed from sin.

You claim to be a good Christian,
Insisting this is true.
Yet deep within Hell's pit, you'll find
Good Christians, just like you.

The Servant Song - My thoughts

2011-04-18T11:23:00.000-04:00

During this weekend, I have found that I have be touched by God. Usually I hear his voice telling me something during mass. The thing was I usually sit with my husband, but this weekend he was doing CRHP. He was on the giving side. He is in team 14. He gave his witness and During holy hour, I felt God's spirit enter me and touch me like nothing I'd ever felt before. The songs touched my hear and told me what my vocation is and not to let anyone tell me otherwise.

The Song before this post is about being a servant to God. I'd done CRHP myself. I was on team 12. This lenten journey my girls, my sisters in Christ have been learning about ourselves and what it means to study and be a disciple of God. This Sunday afternoon we studied the bible and talked about being a servant woman. The study touched my heart and I wanted to share with the world how God can hear our prayers. He is there and guiding us to fullfill his promise to all mankind. If you ask for his Holy Spirit to enter our mind, body and Soul. Just let him into you, let Jesus be your Savior.

Living without Jesus or God, you will always find something missing in your life. I know this since a very young age. When I was in boarding school, we were sent to church every Sunday. I would mess around and this church was boring and not for me. Then I lost the only relative that loved me. She died and I was aleft alone with a hole in my heart and felt something was missing. I went through life knowing that special something wasn't going to come to me. I had to go find it myself.

I tried several churches and faiths. Baptist, Mormon, Jehovah Witness, Jewish faith and a a few more. I know that there are people out there that might be one of the gfaiths I have listed. I'm not knocking your faith, it just wasnt the right faith for me. I became a Catholic. I foudn God touching my heart, mind and soul each day. I went through RCIA and became a devote Catholic.

Since Easter 2007, were I was comfirmed to be a Catholic. I believe it was the right church for me. I made a ton of friends. When I lived in England, I hhad no true friends that would be there for me no matter what. I have friends now, a new family at St Marks and my husband's family also. I have a connection to God and he is leading me do his work. I believe he gave me my gift to write and I'm using this gift to show the youth of today to lead tyhem back to Him and hopefully show them that God exists and loves them...

The Servant Song - The Maranatha Singers

2011-04-18T11:05:00.000-04:00

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be like Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too

We are pilgrims on the journey
We are brothers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load

I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we've seen this journey through

When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony
Born of allwe've known together
Of Christ's love and agony

Brother, let me be your servant
Let me be like Christ to you
Pray that I might have the grace
To let you be my servant too

Prayer and Thanksgiving

2011-04-12T13:34:00.000-04:00

If you haven’t got enough, pray to God-
If you have just enough, thank Him-
If you have more than enough, praise God!
While praying for and helping
Those who haven’t got enough

Food

2011-04-03T12:12:00.000-04:00

John + 4:32 & 34

“…I have food to eat that you do not know about… (34) My food is to do the will of the one who sent me, and to complete his work.” (Jesus Christ)

As with most of the things Jesus said to His disciples, having only a natural minded standpoint through which to weigh them, these verses must have perplexed them no end. To them, food was a physical necessity, but the nourishment Jesus spoke of was of another sort- the nourishment of the spirit.

John + 6:63

“It is the spirit that gives life; the flesh has nothing to offer. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.” (Jesus Christ)

John + 4:24

"God is Spirit."

John + 3:6

"…what is born of the flesh is flesh; what is born of the Spirit is spirit." (Jesus Christ)

John + 3:5

“I tell you most solemnly, unless a man is born through water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God…” (Jesus Christ)

Ephesians + 4:23

"Your mind must be renewed by a spiritual revolution so that you can put on the new self that has been created in God's way, in the goodness and holiness of the truth."

The mind is what feeds on the food Jesus speaks of when He says, “I have food to eat that you do not know of.” It is the food of goodness, holiness and truth, for the food of God is what nourishes the god self, the self that can both see and enter the kingdom of heaven. Without the food of God we would starve to death.

Oh, we can become gym rats, consume all the right foods, drink and down all the right supplements and pills, become vegetarians, whatever, but without God’s Word and Holy Spirit on our training table, we would eventually join the heartrending ranks of the walking dead, those who haven’t a clue as to what real life is all about, the lives we have hidden with Christ.

It is God’s Word that opens this life up to us through our minds by way of the Mind of Christ, for “We are those who have the Mind of Christ.” (1 Corinthians + 2:16)

Romans + 8:5 thru 7

"The unspiritual are interested only in what is unspiritual, but the spiritual are interested in spiritual things. It is death to limit oneself to what is unspiritual; life and peace can only come with concern for the spiritual."

1 Timothy + 4:8

“Physical exercises are useful enough , but the usefulness of spirituality is unlimited, since it holds out the reward of life here and now and of the future life as well.”

Mark + 7:19

“Whatever goes into a man from outside does not make him unclean, because it does not go into his heart but through his stomach and passes out into the sewer…It is what comes out of a man that makes him unclean. For it is from within, from men’s hearts, that evil intentions emerge: fornication, theft, murder, adultery, avarice, deceit, indecency, envy, slander, pride, folly. All these evil things come from within and make a man unclean.” (Jesus Christ)

The Word of God is the spiritual water of truth which cleanses us of all these impurities by changing our thinking about and attitude towards what causes us to sin. The Word of God is life itself, the food of God, the knowledge of His will and the definition of His nature and character.

Hebrews + 5:13

“Truly, anyone who is still living on milk cannot digest the doctrine of righteousness because he is still a baby. Solid food is for mature men with minds trained by practice to distinguish between good and bad.”

It is the consuming of this heaven sent food that builds us up in faith, strengthens and nourishes our spiritual persona and puts a sword in our hand to fight off anyone or anything who and that holds the potential to dissuade us from aspiring to a higher state of mind, body and spirit.

John + 6:63

“The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.” (Jesus Christ)

John + 8:47

“A child of God listens to the words of God.” (Jesus Christ)

John + 1:8

“The word was the true light that enlightens all men.”

Matthew + 4:4

“Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Jesus Christ)

Luke + 6:45

“…a man’s words flow out of what fills his heart.” (Jesus Christ)

1 Samuel + 16:7

“God does not see as man sees; man looks at appearances, but God looks at the heart.”

Matthew + 6:21

“…where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” (Jesus Christ)

Mark + 31:31

“Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words will not pass away.” (Jesus Christ)

James + 1:22

“…you must do what the word tells you and not just listen to it and deceive yourselves.”

1 Corinthians + 4:20

“…the Kingdom of God is not just words, it is power.”

John + 4:34

“My food is to do the will of the one who sent me, and to complete his work.” (Jesus Christ)

The work we do with and in Christ produces results so powerful and far reaching its effect cannot be fathomed by anyone but God. Each soul in Christ has been given the ability to set off a chain reaction of heaven-sent consequences, enlightenment and faith every time we step forward to minister the Word of God. It is our duty and a privilege to plant the seeds of God Word wherever He tells us, and to expect in faith that whatever we sow will feed the hunger of a soul in search of truth and the life they have hidden with Christ.

Isaiah + 55:11

“…so the word that goes from my mouth does not return to me empty, without carrying out my will and succeeding in what it was sent to do.”

The food of God is the doing of the will of God by being the very substance of God’s Word, just as Jesus was, is, and always will be.

John + 1:14

“The word was made flesh, he lives among us, and we saw his glory, the glory that is his as the only Son of the Father, full of grace and truth.”

Romans + 8:16

“The Spirit Himself and our spirit are heirs as well; heirs of God and coheirs with Christ, sharing his suffering so as to share his glory.”

The Temple of God

Our physical bodies are the outer shells of a place deep inside of every believer in Christ, a heart house, if you will, where God’s food is digested and stored that others may partake of its holy sustenance whenever we share what God has fed us with them: the Spirit and Word of truth.

1 Corinthians + 3:16

“Didn’t you realize that you are God’s temple and that the Spirit of God was living among you? If anybody should destroy the temple of God, God will destroy him, because the temple of God is sacred; and you are that temple.”

The destruction of which scripture speaks is caused by starvation, a severe lack of God’s Word and Spirit in our day-to-day faith diet.

Romans + 10:17

“…faith comes from what is preached, and what is preached comes from the word of Christ.”

Ephesians + 2:8

“Because it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith…”

We have two choices in life, one, to feed the faith God has given us by living in His Word, and two, to over-feed and appease the outer shell of his temple with physical food, drugs, sensual gratification, grandiose appearances and so forth. Neglecting the former will most certainly lead to overindulgence of the natural self, which leads to obesity (heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.), self-satisfaction, and all the destructive ego-tripping pleasures of the natural mind, and the flesh in the form of infections, mental illness, and an overall result of ill health.

3 John + 2

"My dear friend, I hope everything is going happily with you and that you are as well physically as you are spiritually."

As scripture says, “It is death to limit oneself to what is unspiritual; life and peace can only come with concern for the spiritual." But the death referred to here is more than just physical, it’s spiritual as well. For the ultimate condition of death is eternal separation from God. “I am the Way, the truth and the life” says Jesus, and this life of which He speaks is in the Spirit of God. For “The Spirit gives life, the flesh has nothing to offer. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.”

Overindulging the flesh with drugs, foods and sensual pleasures is suicide, for “Life and peace can only come with concern for the spiritual.” The best cook book we can own is the Holy Bible, for in its hallowed pages are the recipes of life in the Spirit of God and heaven on earth. As with every meal we eat each day, God fills us with the nourishment of the spirit through the recipes His Word cooks up for our temples.

1 Corinthians + 3:22

“What I fed you with was milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it; and indeed, you are still not ready for it, since you are still unspiritual.”

Again, he scripture speaks of the need to stop behaving immaturely, to see everything through the eyes of the Spirit. But in order to do that we must involve ourselves with that which is spiritual, and since God’s Word is spirit and life, since the kingdom of God is not just words but power, the power to turn our lives around and point it in God’s direction, would it not be advisable to seek after that kingdom from His perspective, which can only be accessed through the Holy Spiritual Mind of Christ?

This is what every practicing Christian must do in order to achieve Holy Spirit instrumentation, for by doing so we also become one with the power of God, the power He works through us whenever we exercise the faith gifts He has given us through His Son Jesus Christ. This is the solid food of righteousness, the doing of God’s will by the letting go of our unspiritual natures and to the will of God.

John + 4:34

“My food is to do the will of the one who sent me, and to complete his work.” (Jesus Christ)

This scripture quote appears three times in this message, and for good reason, for whenever we are not doing God’s will, we are also suffering the malnourishment of our true selves, the selves that can be in heaven on earth by simply maintaining a steady diet of God’s food.

Amen

In the name of Jesus Christ

Daily Scripture - Tuesday 29th March

2011-03-29T12:58:00.000-04:00

Matthew 24:29-31
"Immediately after the tribulation of those days, the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light, and the stars will fall from the sky, and the powers of the heavens will be shaken. And then the sign of the Son of Man will appear in heaven, and all the tribes of the earth will mourn, and they will see the Son of Man coming upon the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. And he will send out his angels with a trumpet blast, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.

Matthew 24:36-44
"But of that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone. For as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. In (those) days before the flood, they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day that Noah entered the ark. They did not know until the flood came and carried them all away. So will it be (also) at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be out in the field; one will be taken, and one will be left. Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken, and one will be left. Therefore, stay awake! For you do not know on which day your Lord will come. Be sure of this: if the master of the house had known the hour of night when the thief was coming, he would have stayed awake and not let his house be broken into. So too, you also must be prepared, for at an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come.

Both these scriptures talk about the second coming of the Son of Man. They talk about a few signs of the second coming. If you believe in God and have accepted Jesus as your God and Savior, then you need to read your Bible and know he is going to come and it will be when we least expect Him to come. Pray diligently and always study the Holy Bible. For the Holy Bible is our manual that will guide us to loving and believing in his mighty power and unconditional love.

Sunday Mass - 27th March

2011-03-27T13:10:00.000-04:00

I was woke this morning after a terrible night of constant pain in back and knees. After finally falling asleep around two in the morning, after taking some pain medication. I slept for a couple of hours,where Pacer one our cat pounced onto my body causing another about of intense pain. I got back to sleep at six in the morning, only too be woken up at eight, no almost nine this morning. I found that I wish I could stop Pacer coming into my bedroom so when I could sleep, i wouldn't be disturbed.

I got dressed and ready for church. Our friend Suzie came to get us. We went to church, it was a nice service and I liked the homily. Our Pastor is a good one and I love his homilies. During Mass I prayed for a relief of the pain i was enduring all last night and this morning. I wanted God to ease my pain, but somehow he didn't answer my prayer. I guess I'd have to wait a little longer for relief of my aches and pains I suffer right now.

After my prayer we had the Eucharist, i saw a vision. It was amazing that this was happening to me. I wanted no pain, even if it was for a few minutes. Nope I found myself whisked away and on a cloud. I tried to look down, but i couldn't see anything beneath me. I looked forward and the angel was white, a pure whiteness I'd never seen this whiteness anytime before. The angel spread their wings and lifted me off the ground and from my wheelchair. The got me standing in front of another heavenly being. I can't explain it, but I felt I was in the presences of God. I was told my time has not come. I will endure pain a little while longer and the pain was going to get worse before it got better.

Suddenly I back in my wheelchair and sitting next to my life partner. I now know that in time I will be without pain, so I must endure for a while longer. Plus I was told my current stories were good. This pleased me much. Then I heard a voice, like the sound of trumpets sounding. I want told to Trust my church friends and mainly my partner. I closed my eyes one more time and thanks God for his guidance and I was about to leave the church as Mass was over with.

Monday Evening

2011-03-21T17:53:00.000-04:00

Had a major experience yesterday at church, then at my bible study group. I'm a devote catholic and study the bible each day which does help with my writing. I believe God gave me a wonderful gift. I am a writer, with the thanks of the Holy Spirit. The girls I study the bible with are like having sisters around me all the time. I love them dearly and they inspire me to become the best I can be, along with my family here in Indiana.

Yesterday at church, during MASS, I had an experience I don't understand. God sends his angels' to me. It's like this last year during LENT, now this year. I believe this is something from God to tell me to be the best I can be. I love writing and I have written one novel so far. Not published or anything. Now I feel that God wants me to continue writing and finish my second or third book.

Right now I'm writing two novels, which can be hard, but I'm finding it rather simple right now. First my second novel is about a young boy who loses his only loving guardian, his grandmother. His living aunt and uncle don't want him and he is put into the foster care system. A loving family foster him and teach him things he didn't believe were possible. He finally has a second chance at a loving home.

My third is about a young adult, aged sixteen who parents are fighting, and they decide to get a divorce and the main character is trying to cope with his mom gone, his dad finding a new partner and getting remarried. His father's new wife has two very young children and the main character is also fighting an inner battle about being catholic and gay.

Vocation and Spiritual Gifts

2011-03-17T17:10:00.000-04:00

Over the last week I have been having vision about what my vocation and my gift of writing. It all started with Sunday service at mass. First I was in intense pain, and I was finding it hard concentrating on the homily. Suddenly i was whisked away into a cloud and I was no longer in church. I was on a cloud and an angel was telling about my gift from God. I thought I was hearing and seeing things.

The Angel called me by my birth name, not many here knew my birth name other than my partner and a few friends. I shook my head in disbelief and thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

After I wasn't believing this was an angel. They took me to my birth. It was hard to realize that this was in fact an angel of God. I saw my birth, I saw my dad, my grandmother sitting by my mom. My grandmother was holding me in her arms and cuddling tight. I knew myself this was just something to confuse me.

I saw me sitting in a bookstore and signing books that were being bought my some young adults and some adults even. They were buying my book, my first book. I found this weird and didn't want to believe this was me.

On Monday night, we went to church at seven at night for the parish mission thing. I heard the angel's voice yet again. This time it was telling me to re-write my Having a Little Faith story. I was finding it hard to write. It made me remember the last time I saw my paternal grandmother I was when I was sixteen. But telling the story I want to tell I'm not sure it will work out at age sixteen. I prefer to write stories with the main character is from 9-14 years old.

I continued to have another vision on Sunday night, Monday night, and Tuesday night. I also had confession on Tuesday night. I was ill on Wednesday night, so couldn't go. I was given a vision to write the same story I'd heard the angel telling me to write. I believe this was something I could do if I put my mind to it. I prayed today and I have started to re-write this story I believe God wants me to write. Here goes nothing.

St. James the Greater (First century)

2011-03-05T21:46:00.000-05:00

The Patron Saint of Arthritis and Rheumatism

One of the first apostles to join Jesus, St. James was also the first such follower to be martyred. Of the twelve apostles, St. James, his brother St. John the Evangelist, and St. Peter formed a privileged inner circle. Christ allowed them to witness miracles the other apostles only heard about later: the raising from the dead of Jairus's young daughter, the healing of St. Peter's mother-in-law, and Christ's display of his heavenly glory at the Transfiguration. While the other apostles carried the gospel to far-off lands, James stuck close to home, preaching in Judea and Samaria. Consequently, when King Herod Agrippa began to round up Christians, James was easy to find. He was arrested, given a quick trial, and beheaded.

Legend tells us that as the king's men led James outside Jerusalem for execution, he passed a man crippled by arthritis or rheumatism who was sitting by the side of the road. The man begged James to cure him. Pausing for a moment on his way to martyrdom, James said, "In the name of Jesus Christ, for whom I am being led to execution, stand up and bless your Creator." As the soldiers dragged James away, the crippled man stood and then ran to the temple in the city to give thanks to God. That's the type of cure people who suffer arthritis pain pray for.

Daily Scripture - James 1:17

2011-02-11T13:32:00.000-05:00

James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect present comes from heaven: it comes down from God, the Creator of the heavenly lights, who does not change or cause darkness by turning.

This scripture tell me that God is there and he is always going to be there. He made us in his image. His promises never fail or not happen. God is the creator of all things. He created us, he created the earth, plus all the other planets and galaxies in the universe. He is there showing us with his love, his unconditional love. If we ask in prayer, he will give to us. If we thank him, he is blessing us with beautiful things.

Believe, trust and he will show you his mighty universe of love and guidance…

Poem - The Soul

2011-02-05T13:09:00.000-05:00

The soul can taste and feel and see

And do all kinds of things

It grows and lives and loves to be

The song the Spirit sings

The soul is where one’s essence sleeps

To dream of better visions

A place where evil lurks and creeps

Affecting our decisions

The soul can be a conduit

Through which the Spirit heals

Accepting burdens onto it

To learn how Jesus feels

The soul is more than just a name

Or conscience-bearing entity

It has the right to burn its flame

And be who it was meant to be

The soul is power when it loves

The way that God has taught us

Or when it calls the Devil’s bluffs

Just when he thinks he’s caught us

The soul creates reality

When thoughts are God-inspired

And individuality

When needs are Spirit-fired

The soul can walk right through a wall

And take its body with it

Or never eat or drink at all

And still think thoughts quick-witted

The soul is free to make a choice

Between the flesh and God

To open up and speak its voice

On things in high regard

The soul is quite a blessed part

Of life on planet Earth

For in its time and place and heart

It nourishes rebirth

The soul is all that God can be

Through Man’s imagination

The soul can BE eternally

And that’s no small creation

The soul is spirit when it is

Or when God calls upon it

Possessing power through the gifts

It desperately wanted

The soul can be possessed at will

Through faith and prayer and wishing

By evil lusts or spirits filled

With God’s pure intuition

The soul can be in perfect grace

When God is living in it

And shows a blessing on its face

Whenever in the Spirit

The soul is all the love we are

And all the hate as well

The foods we like, our favorite star

The things that make us yell

The soul is so complex at times

Especially at night

When dreams invade the spirit’s climb

To outer conscious sight

The soul creates itself at will

By what it says and does

Digesting every particle

Of what life is and was

The soul is more than words can pray

Or think or dream or treasure

The soul is our free will to say:

‘I choose to love forever’

Daily Scripture - 2 John:9

2011-01-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

2 John: 9
If anybody does not keep within the teaching of Christ but goes beyond it, he cannot have God within him:only those who keep to what is taught can have the Father and the Son within them

The Wisdom of Perfect

2011-01-23T11:00:00.000-05:00

Matthew + 5:48

"You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Jesus Christ)

When Jesus gave this commandment, surely those who heard it for the first time must have been taken aback by its overwhelming implications. 'Only God is perfect all the time,' they must have thought, and 'There is only one God.'

Of course, at the time, the followers of Jesus had no idea of what was to come for mankind through Him. Their faith had barely scratched the surface of Christ's mission on earth. As for the Jews, their knowledge of perfection had been limited to the writings of Old Testament prophets, holy men and women, and the scriptural interpretations of the Jewish hierarchy.

Yet here was Jesus- giving them a glimpse into their futures by way of a prophetic commandment that challenged them to be as God is- perfect.

John + 10:34

"Is it not written in your Law: 'I said, you are gods?' So the Law uses the word gods of those to whom the word of God was addressed, and scripture cannot be rejected" (Jesus Christ)

'Like father, like son,' is a phrase often used to either commend or criticize a person's behavior; to credit the positive growth of an individual, or lack of it, by pointing out the power of parental influence over the way he or she thinks and does things. When scripture exhorts us to revolutionize our thinking by leaving behind any influence that does not mirror godlike behavior, it, too, is challenging us to get with God's program for the eventual achievement of perfection; to take after our Father in heaven, Who is perfect.

But where does one begin to realize such a seemingly unattainable goal? That's where Jesus comes in. He was and is the first, flesh and blood embodiment of perfection; the first, womb-to-tomb being to ever achieve 24/7, 100%-of-the-time, perfect time and space.

John + 14:9

"To have seen me is to have seen the Father." (Jesus Christ)

John + 10:29

"The Father and I are one." (Jesus Christ)

John +14:28

"If you know me, you know my Father too." (Jesus Christ)

Mark + 9:37

"Anyone who welcomes me, welcomes not me, but the one who sent me." (Jesus Christ)

In saying all this, Jesus identified himself with the Father in an unmistakable way, a way that tells us, in no uncertain terms, that the key to being perfect, as our father in heaven, is to know and be like Jesus; to behave like He behaved, and do what He did while in the flesh.

The Apostle Paul amplifies this axiom of faith in his letter to the Philippians.

Philippians + 3:9 to 16

"I am no longer trying for perfection by my own efforts, the perfection that comes from the Law, but I want only the perfection that comes through faith in Christ, and is from God and based on faith. All I want is to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and to share his sufferings by reproducing the pattern of his death. That is the way I can hope to take my place in the resurrection of the dead. Not that I have become perfect yet: I have not yet won, but I am still running, trying to capture the prize for which Christ Jesus captured me. I can assure you my brothers, I am far from thinking that I have already won. All I can say is that I forget the past and strain ahead for what is still to come; I am racing for the finish for the prize to which God calls us upwards to receive in Christ Jesus. We who are called

'perfect' must all think in this way. If there is some point on which you see things differently, God will make it clear to you; meanwhile, let us go forward on the road that has brought us to where we are."

Why are those who are in Christ called 'perfect?' It is because, thanks to the cleansing, shed blood of Jesus Christ, that is how our Father in heaven sees us- perfect, sinless, and without flaw. That is how Jesus wants us to see each other as well because, by doing so, we adopt the perception of God the Father, thereby identifying with His perfect vision for all mankind, for He wishes that none should be lost.

To those of us in Christ Jesus, the glass of water is not only seen as half full, but filled to overflowing. At the same time, we see things as they really are. This is unavoidable where dealing with unbelievers is concerned. But, like Jesus, the faith we hold in Christ overcomes the temptation to dwell on the past. Instead, we focus on perfection, which is our heritage, rebirth right, and future, and the futures of those unto whom we minister

God's Word and power; those who are called and chosen to be perfect through Christ Jesus.

We no longer see things from a flesh perspective, but through the Word of God and the spiritual eyes and ears of the Holy Spirit. We no longer strive for earthly things, but for the things of heaven, the Kingdom of God, not the kingdom of this world, which cannot even begin to comprehend perfection as God and His sons and daughters have been given the power to discern.

Colossians + 3:1 to 3

"Since you have been brought back to true life with Christ, you must look for the things that are in heaven, where Christ is, sitting at God's right hand. Let your thoughts be on heavenly things, not on the things that are on the earth, because you have died, and now the life you have is hidden with Christ in God."

Philippians + 3:20 to 21

"For us, our homeland is in heaven, and from heaven comes the savior we are waiting for, the Lord Jesus Christ, and he will transfigure these wretched bodies of ours into copies of his glorious body. He will do that by the same power with which he can subdue the whole universe."

1 Corinthians + 2:14

"An unspiritual person is one who does not accept anything of the Spirit of God: he sees it all as nonsense; it is beyond his understanding because it can only be understood by means of the Spirit. The spiritual man, on the other hand, is able to judge the value of everything, and his own value is not to be judged by other men. As scripture says: Who can know the mind of the Lord, so who can teach him? But we are those who have the Mind of Christ."

At the outset of each sinner's journey to perfection, all he or she is capable of appreciating about life in the Spirit is contemplated from a human perspective. God knew this would be the case with mankind. That's why He manifested His perfection through the flesh and blood incarnation of Jesus Christ, Who is, was, and always will be perfect.

There is nothing perfect about the flesh, and there never will be. However, while we are still influenced by its natural mind set and senses, we can still achieve godlike behavior while still in it by also being in the Spirit, just as Jesus did while He was on earth. In doing so, He opened our eyes to the very real possibility of living a perfect life and gave us something to shoot for by setting a profound example we may never have witnessed or contemplated had God not taken on human form.

Before Roger Banister broke the four-minute mile and Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon, no one within a few years of those mind-blowing events believed they were possible. Before the cell phone became an affordably practical part of our everyday lives, only Star Trek fans and the technically astute entertained the notion that such a device could be developed within their own lifetimes.

Before Jesus Christ walked the earth, only prophets and those who attended to them could begin to imagine what it would be like to have God Himself within their midst, let alone envision the day when a human being could be perfect, as Jesus was while still in the flesh.

John + 14:12

"I tell you most solemnly, whoever believes in me will perform the same works as I do myself, he will perform even greater works." (Jesus Christ)

1 John + 3:2 and 3

"My dear people, we are already the children of God but what we are to be in the future has not yet been revealed; all we know is, that when it is revealed we shall be like him (Jesus) because we shall see him as he really is. Surely everyone who entertains this hope must purify himself, must try to be as pure as Christ."

We all fall short of the glory of God. The aspect of sin in our discipleship is inevitable. No one can escape sin 100% of his or her time on Earth, for the flesh and the natural mind are formidable opponents to perfection. However, thanks to God’s mercy, He will never allow us to suffer more than what our personal strength can endure. He knows, through Jesus, how difficult it initially is to be perfect in an imperfect, sinful world. That is why being in the Spirit is an absolute must, for when we are possessed and led by the Holy Spirit, 100%-of-the-time perfection becomes a foregone conclusion for as long as we are.

Revelation + 3:2

“So far I have failed to notice anything in the way you live that my God could possibly call perfect…”

Notice in this verse how Jesus expects perfect behavior from His brothers and sisters here and now, while we are still living in our flesh and blood bodies. By completely letting go to the power of the Holy Spirit we are able to do just that. But in order to do so we must humble ourselves to God’s will by dying to self and allowing God to operate through us. In doing so, we also do as Jesus did when He was in the flesh for however long our potential and faith prescribes.

Let it be further understood that the only human being who ever achieved wall-to-wall perfection for the entirety of His life on Earth was Jesus of Nazareth. All we, who are in Christ, could ever hope to do is steadily increase the being-perfect percentage of our time on Earth in accordance with the personal prophecy God gives us the strength to endure and fulfill. This is what a Christian's growth is really all about: to strive for and accomplish 100%-of-the-time, Holy Spirit instrumentation, while often-to-rarely falling short of the glory Jesus reflected during His in-the-flesh, perfect example of life in the Spirit of God the Father.

John + 4:24

"God is Spirit…" (Jesus Christ)

1 John + 4:16

"God is love, and anyone who lives in love lives in God, and God lives in him."

1 Peter + 1:15

"Be holy, for I am Holy."

What grieves the Spirit is an unwillingness to drive one's own personal potential towards actualizing these godlike characteristics, especially when he or she has been given the faith and strength to accomplish that goal.

2 Corinthians + 13:9

"What we ask in our prayers is for you to be made perfect."

James + 1:25

"…the man who looks steadily at the perfect law of freedom and makes that his habit- not listening and then forgetting, but actively putting into practice- will be happy in all that he does."

James + 3:2 and 3

"…the only man who could reach perfection would be someone who never said anything wrong. He would be able to control every part of himself. Once we put the bit into the horse's mouth, to make it do what we want, we have the whole animal under our control."

These three verses give us practical insight, where being perfect is concerned, for they tell us that when God's righteousness abides in us all the time, to the degree that nothing wrong is ever said, it also means that we are dying to self by completely letting go to the influence and/or control of the Holy Spirit.

Luke + 6:45

"…a man's words flow out of what fills his heart." (Jesus Christ)

Perfect behavior is the result of inspired prayer, right thinking and speaking, by virtue of the fact that, through conversational contact with both God and man, we always and ultimately say 'yes' to what is the perfect thing to do, and 'no' to what is not.

James + 3:4 and 6

"Or think of ships: no matter how big they are, even if a gale is driving them, the man at the helm can steer them anywhere he likes by controlling a tiny rudder. So is the tongue only a tiny part of the body, but it can proudly proclaim that it does great things. Think how small a flame can set fire to a huge forest; the tongue is a flame like that. Among all the parts of the body; catching fire itself from hell, it sets fire to the whole wheel of creation."

Titus + 2:11 to 14

“You see, God’s grace has been revealed, and it has made salvation possible for the whole human race and taught us that what we have to do it to give up everything that does not lead to God, and all our worldly ambitions; we must be self-restrained and live good and religious lives here in the present world, while we are waiting in hope for the blessings which will come with the Appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ...”

1 John + 4:17 and 18

"Love will come to its perfection in us when we can face the day of Judgment without fear; because even in this world we have become as he (Jesus) is. In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love: because to fear is to expect punishment, and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love."

Hebrews + 12:2 and 23

"Let us not lose sight of Jesus, who leads us in our faith and brings it to perfection…(23) You have come to God himself, the supreme judge, and been placed with the spirits of the saints who have been made perfect…"

James + 1:2 to 4

"My brothers, you will always have your trials but, when they come, try to treat them as a happy privilege; you understand that your faith is only put to the test to make you patient, but patience too is to have its practical results so that you will become fully-developed, complete, with nothing missing.

Romans + 12:2

"Do not model yourselves on the behavior of the world around you, but let your behavior change, modeled by your new mind. This is the only way to discover the will of God and know what is good, what it is that God wants, what is the perfect thing to do."

Two Greatest Commandments

2011-01-04T14:50:00.000-05:00

The Two Great Commandments

that contain the whole law of God are:

You shall love the Lord your God with your whole heart, and with your whole soul, and with your whole mind, and with your whole strength; you shall love your neighbor as yourself.

To love God, our neighbor, and ourselves, we must keep the commandments of God and of the Church, and perform the spiritual and corporal works of mercy.

After doing some good soul searching and studying Greatest Commandments to be more important than any other. We need to think about these two commandments. What do they tell us about God, Christ and the Holy Spirit. I know that I must follow these and the rest of God's commandments at all times. This means to follow in Jesus footsteps. I know it will take a lot out of us to do so, but it's what God wants us to do. God made us, he created us. This means we have to follow him, till we can once again be with him.

Promises of God

2010-12-19T14:51:00.000-05:00

_The Promises of God_

When Jesus was born, God gave us the greatest gift of all, for it is through His Son that we possess the promise of eternal life. So let us be, at all times thankful for the New Covenant our Father in heaven made with Israel through Jesus, and let us never forget that without the gift of faith there would be no reason to celebrate Christmas and no God-given promises to enjoy and look forward to.

During these troubled and prophetically fulfilling final days of life and death on planet earth, there exists a perception and belief we born-again Christians hold dear; that this is the generation Jesus foretold would be alive to witness the end of the world as we know it; that these are the final days leading up to our rescue from all that would stand in the way of our happiness on earth as it is in heaven.

Though we may be, at times, severely tested unto our faith in these revelations, they nonetheless continue to serve as a beacon of hope to all who search for an answer to the most tragic question of our time. 'Why has the world committed itself so aggressively and passionately to the destruction and ultimate death of their spiritual and physical existence, and why must we suffer and endure it unto the overcoming of that world's irreversible death wish and ultimate annihilation?'

The answer is simple. Satan knows his time is short, and our Father in heaven is testing those who are still not saved by the blood of Jesus Christ; those who are not yet heir to the promises of God.

Revelation + 3:10 to 12

"Because you have kept my commandment to endure trials, I will keep you safe in the time of trial which is going to come for the whole world, to test the people of the world. Soon I shall be with you; hold firmly to what you already have, and let nobody take your prize away from you." (Jesus Christ)

2 Peter + 3:9

"The Lord is not being slow to carry out his promises, as anybody else might be called slow; but he is being patient with you all, wanting nobody to be lost and everybody to be brought to change his ways."

2 Corinthians + 1:20 to 22

"…however the promises God made, the yes to them all is in him (Jesus Christ). That is why it is through him that we answer Amen to the praise of God. Remember, it is God himself who assures us all, and you, of our standing in Christ, and has anointed us, marking us with his seal and giving us the pledge, the Spirit that we carry in our hearts."

For those of us who wait patiently for the Rapture, suffering long under the protection and love of our Father in heaven, let the following scripture be an encouraging umbrella unto our faith in Jesus, and let the blessed knowledge and wisdom of the Holy Spirit inspire us to completely realize the enlightenment of our perfect, hidden-with-Christ lives and selves.

Psalm + 37:4

"….make Yahweh your only joy and he will give you what your heart desires."

2 Peter + 1: 4

"In making these gifts (of the Holy Spirit), he has given us the guarantee of something very great and wonderful to come; through them you will be able to share the divine nature and to escape corruption in the world that is sunk in vice."

1 John + 2:25

"…and what is promised to you by his own promise is eternal life."

Ephesians + 1:13 and 14

"Now you too, in him, have heard the message of the truth and the good news of our salvation, and have believed it; and you too have been stamped with the seal of the Holy Spirit of the Promise, the pledge of our inheritance, which brings freedom for those whom God has taken for his own, to make his glory praised."

Hebrews + 6:11 and 12

"Our one desire is that every one of you should go on showing the same earnestness to the end, to the perfect fulfillment of our hopes, never growing careless, but imitating those who have the faith and the perseverance to inherit the promises."

John + 6:35 and 37

"I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never be hungry; he who believes in me will never thirst…(37) All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I shall not turn away; because I have come from heaven not to do my own will, but to do the will of the one who sent me" (Jesus Christ)

John + 3:27

"A man can lay claim only to what is given him from heaven." (John the Baptist)

Psalm + 41:1 to 3

"Happy the man who cares for the poor and the weak: if disaster strikes, Yahweh will come to his help. Yahweh will guard him, give him life and happiness in the land; ah, do not let his enemies treat him as they please! Yahweh will be his comfort on his bed of sickness; most carefully you make his bed when he is sick."

Psalm + 103:2 to 5

"Bless Yahweh, my soul, and remember all his kindnesses: in forgiving all your offenses, in curing all your diseases, in redeeming your life from the pit, in crowning you with love and tenderness, and filling your years with prosperity, in renewing your youth like an eagle's."

John + 14:27

"Peace I bequeath to you, my own peace I give you, a peace the world cannot give you, this is my gift to you. (Jesus Christ)

John + 16:33

"In the world you will have trouble, but be brave: I have conquered the world." (Jesus Christ)

John + 16:20

"I tell you most solemnly, you will be weeping and wailing while the world will rejoice; you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn to joy." (Jesus Christ)

Isaiah + 54:17

"Not a weapon forged against you will succeed. Every tongue that accuses you in judgment will be refuted."

John + 12:26

"If anyone serves me, my Father will honor him." (Jesus Christ)

John + 14:12

"I tell you most solemnly, whoever believes in me will perform the same works as I do myself, he will perform even greater works." (Jesus Christ)

John + 14:14

"If you ask for anything in my name, I will do it." (Jesus Christ)

John + 15:7

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask what you will and you shall get it." (Jesus Christ)

Acts + 10:34

"…God does not have any favorites…anybody of any nationality who fears God and does what is right is acceptable to him."

John + 8:31

"If you make my word your home you will indeed be my disciples, you will learn the truth and the truth will make you free." (Jesus Christ)

Psalm + 34:10

"…those who seek after the Lord lack nothing good."

Acts + 16:31

"Become a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, and your household too."

Romans + 2:7 and 10

"For those who sought renown and honor and immortality by always doing good there will be eternal life…(10)…renown, honor and peace will come to everyone who does good…God has no favorites."

Romans + 6:5

"If in union with Christ we have imitated his death, we shall also imitate him in his resurrection."

Romans + 8:11

"…if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, then he who raised Jesus from the dead will give life to your own mortal bodies through his Spirit living in you."

John + 11:25 and 26

"I am the resurrection. If anyone believes in me, even though he dies he will live, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." (Jesus Christ)

Isaiah + 40:29 to 31

"He gives strength to the wearied, he strengthens the powerless. Young men may grow tired and weary, youths may stumble, but those who hope in Yahweh renew their strength, they put out wings like eagles. They run and do not weary, walk and never tire."

Matthew + 4:6

"He will put you in his angels' charge, and they will support you in their hands in case you hurt your foot against a stone." (Jesus Christ)

Romans + 8:28

"…God co-operates with all those who love him, with all those that he has called according to hi purpose."

1 John + 2:27

"…you do not need anyone to teach you; the anointing he gave teaches you everything."

John + 14:21 and 26

"Anybody who receives my commandments and keeps them will be one who loves me; and anybody who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I shall love him and show myself to him…(26)…the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you all I have said to you." (Jesus Christ)

Romans + 8:38

"…neither death nor life, no angel, no prince, nothing that exists, nothing still to come, not any power, or height or depth, nor any created thing, can ever come between us and the love of God made visible in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Hebrews + 10:23 to 25

"Let us keep firm in the hope we profess, because the one who made the promise is faithful. Let us be concerned for each other, to stir a response in love and good works. Do not stay away from the meetings of the community, as some do, but encourage each other to go; the more so as you see the day drawing near."

1 Thessalonians + 4:16 to 18

"At the trumpet of God, the voice of the archangel will call out the command and the Lord himself will come down from heaven; those who have died in Christ will be the first to rise, and then those of us who are still alive will be taken up in the clouds, together with them, to meet the Lord in the air. So we shall stay with the Lord forever. With such thoughts as these you should comfort one another."

Hebrews + 11:1

"Only faith can guarantee the blessings that we hope for, or prove the existence of the realities that at present remain unseen. It was for faith that our ancestors were commended."

Luke + 12:32 and 34

"There is no need to be afraid, little flock, for it has pleased your Father to give you the kingdom…(34) For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Romans + 10:9 to 11 and 13

"If your lips confess that Jesus is Lord and if you believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, then you will be saved. By believing from the heart you are made righteous; by confessing with your lips you are saved…(13)…for everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

In the name of Jesus Christ

Amen

Holiday Season

2010-12-16T12:18:00.001-05:00

Right now I'm listening to music on http://YouTube.com. I'm listening to spice girls and some Christmas music. The spice girls are making me remember the first time I wrote something. I'm remembering my life in England and here in America. I love America more than anywhere I've lived in my whole life. I love being here and having the family I desire in my own life.

I been thinking about this Holiday Season. If you're a christian, you will know this holiday season isn't about Santa and presents and gifts from family ad friends. This holiday season is about our LORD and Savior. Yes God and Christ is the real reason for this season of giving and receiving. Jesus taught the disciples to go forth and declare to the world he will come again and show them mercy, love and friendship. Yes God gives us his unconditional love, repentance and guidance along with many other gifts we receive from his Holy Ghost/ Holy Spirit. call it what you like. Christ is our Savior and he will guide us back to God at the right time.

Daily Scripture - 2 Timothy 1:7

2010-12-16T10:44:00.000-05:00

2 Tim 1:7
God's gift was not the spirit of timidity,
but the Spirit of power, and love,
and self-control.

This scripture tells us about how powerful the Holy Ghost is. It's God spirit to work in our lives and show us how loving and caring God is to us, especially in times of trails and hardships. I know the Holy Ghost had shown me the mercy and unconditional love of God. I believe he sends his angels to watch over us and show us the might wisdom of his love. Pray and he will guide you and the Holy Ghost will show you the right way to live your life.

Daily Scriputer Psalms 57:1-3

2010-12-14T19:42:00.000-05:00

Have pity on me, O God. Have pity on me, because my soul takes refuge in you. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until destructive storms pass by.

I call to God Most High,to the God who does everything for me.

He sends his help from heaven and saves me. He disgraces the one who is harassing me. God sends his mercy and his truth!

I got the feeling this is teaching me about knowing God is there for us, we just have to let him know. Asking his help and guidance is what he wants us to do. We can rely on our own , we need his help, his guidance and he gives us his love and tenderness we desperately seek.

Daily Scripture - Ezra 6:11

2010-12-04T13:02:00.000-05:00

Ezra 6:11
I am also issuing a decree that if anyone tampers with my orders, that person should be impaled on a beam torn from his own house and his house should be turned into a pile of rubble.

This makes feel like we should be following God rules and regulations for life. without God in our life daily will will forget his rules and commandments we need to life our lives by. Without daily scripture and prayer we will count for nothing. He is our guide in the world of where Satan rules right now. Once Satan's rule is over, we'll be returned to be by God side and never want for anything.

Remember: God and talk with him each day...

Daily Scripture - Malachi 2:17

2010-11-25T11:01:00.000-05:00

You have wearied the LORD with your words. "How have we wearied him?" you ask. By saying, "All who do evil are good in the eyes of the LORD, and he is pleased with them" or "Where is the God of justice?"

This scripture tells us about the end of times. We need to think about the time of judgment. I believe judgment time is coming and we need to think about our lives and how we've lived. I have a past shady past. I know I am a born again christian and being a christian means that I have offered my life up to GOD. HE is there for me. I am there willing to listen and take in his mighty words and ways he leading me through this life into the next.

I'm thankful he is there, guiding my steps through life. I urge everyone to read the bible, his guiding the many writers inspired of GOD. Believe, trust and always follow the LORD. Without God we are nothing. Without God we are walking mindlessly in this world. Ask him to come into your lives, let him lead you and guide your paths...

Daily Scripture: - Jeremiah 17:7-8

2010-11-22T16:29:00.000-05:00

Jeremiah 17: 7-8
Blessed is the person who trusts the Lord.The Lord will be his confidence. He will be like a tree that is planted by water. It will send its roots down to a stream. It will not be afraid in the heat of summer. Its leaves will turn green. It will not be anxious during droughts. It will not stop producing fruit.

This Scripture tells me if we are weak, we must look at God for strength, guidance and help. Have faith and know God is there, by your side. You just have to ask for him. Close your eyes, open your heart and let God ad his Holy Spirit enter your body and lead you onto the right path. I know he is leading me and I am saved by his mercy and grace. I answer to nobody but God and his only son Christ.

Poem Thank you Heavenly Father

2010-11-11T12:30:00.001-05:00

I thank you heavenly father for sustaining me through the night.
I thank you for your love, and the dawns bright light.
I thank you heavenly father for my health, and strength.
I thank you heavenly father for Jesus, your son, that you've sent.

I thank you heavenly father for the fruits and the trees.
I thank you heavenly father for the wind that blows free.
I thank you heavenly father for the sunshine, and rain.
I thank you heavenly father for taking away, all my aches and pain.

I thank you heavenly father for showing me the right way.
I thank you for my burdens that you've lifted today.
I thank you heavenly father, for always being there for me.

Heavenly father, my thanks to you goes beyond infinity.

Daily Scripture Revelation 21:4

2010-11-09T14:17:00.000-05:00

And He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away."

I have come to understand each day as it comes. I believe God is telling us one day there will be no sickness, no pain, no broken hearts. We will commune one with Christ and God. This scripture tells me I will be free. No more pain, which means to me no more wheelchair, I'll be healthy and happy. Plus the ones I've lost will be reunited with me in the new heaven, the new earth. Which is happiness to my ears..

Daily Scripture: 1 Corinthians 12:3

2010-11-08T09:35:00.000-05:00

Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus is accursed"; and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit.

This spoke to me when I read this a couple of times. For me this means the Holy Spirit gives us talents and we are guided the the spirit to use these talents to help bring people and children of all ages back to him. My talent is writing and leading children and teens back to him in the words I write in my poetry and my stories.

Daily Scripture: Job 42:1-6

2010-10-24T12:08:00.000-04:00

Job 42:1-6
Job Speaks
I Admit That I Was Wrong
1Then Job answered the Lord,

2 “I know that you can do everything
and that your plans are unstoppable.

“You said, ‘Who is this that belittles my advice without having any knowledge about it?’
Yes, I have stated things I didn’t understand, things too mysterious for me to know.

“You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak. I will ask you, and you will teach me.’

I had heard about you with my own ears, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.

That is why I take back what I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show that I am sorry.”

This scripture talks about trusting in God and letting him guide you. Don't trust your own thoughts and beliefs. Believing in God and letting him know when you lack things. Not knowing is what we are here to learn about. I learned this morning that I have to be patient and give God the time to fulfill when I have to do with my life on earth. He is my guide and He is your guide. Speak to him each day, whether or not you read the bible. Pray!

Sunday Mass: 24th October

2010-10-24T11:58:00.000-04:00

This morning I woke up, in such great anguish and pain. I wanted to lay there and not move, as every movement I made sent great painful pain spikes throughout my whole body. I knew we had church, but I felt I wasn't going to go and stay home and rest. I've had three restless nights. I sleep, but have constant nightmares. I can't deal with such flashback and nightmares since starting therapy with Joyce. The therapy is going alright, it's helping me understand my past and the abuse I suffered at the hands of my family.

I got my partner and husband to get me up and help me dressed. thinking about church and if I truly wanted to go. just as I was thinking about calling Suzie to say I didn't want to go, she arrived and my husband helped me get out to the car. I climbed into the front seat and buckled up. My pain spikes were intense and along with the flashback I wanted to die. knowing that I couldn't die. My new family here in Indiana would miss me and I would leave a gaping big hole in their hearts.

All during church I persevered all through the service. Every moment I got pain spikes I closed my eyes and asked God to take my pain. By the end of mass, after I partook of the Eucharist, suddenly for five minutes I was without any pain. During the minutes of being without pain, I heard a loud voice. looking around and the church but I wasn't in church, I took a second look. I was somewhere completely pure white and in a midst of glowing white and in pure health. I stood and walked towards the light. the pure whiteness of the light. I reached my hands forward like the voice told me and I walked into the arms of an angel. the person had glowing white wings, a perfect smile and in a white robe. "You will come here one day. Just not right now. You are going to be healed. Give it time. You have far to go, remember to pray and keep Christ and God on the top of your to-do-list." After this I was back in my wheelchair and church was singing the last song of the service.

Daily Scripture: Job 17:12-16

2010-10-22T14:51:00.000-04:00

Job 17:12-16
You say that night is day. Light has nearly become darkness. If I look for the grave as my home and make my bed in the darkness,if I say to the pit, ‘You are my father,’ and to the worm, ‘You are my mother and sister,’then where is my hope? Can you see any hope left in me? Will hope go down with me to the gates of the grave? Will my hope rest with me in the dust?”

This scripture make me remember the times we are all depressed and want to blame God for our misery. The thing is God never wanted us to be miserable, that is Satan. he is trying to trap us and making us believe God is the one to blame. Well, in fact it's Satan who is trying to trick us. He is the one who is causing all our problems, also part of the blame is with ourselves. I know pain, I have problems, but they aren't brought on by God, but by man and the people Satan influences to hurt us. Mine was my biological family. They hurt me, they never wanted me. I moved to America and found true friendship, unconditional love, not from man, but from God himself.

I now have friends, friends that are there for me, that support me and help me. God gave me friends, true friends. Plus I got the family I always dreamed about. My partner's family. they welcomed me into the fold and I know true love from my partner's parents and brothers. I want the world to know I thank God for my new life in America!

Daily Scripture: Acts: 16:9

2010-10-21T10:00:00.000-04:00

Acts 16:9
During the night Paul had a vision of a man from Macedonia. The man urged Paul, "Come to Macedonia to help us."

After reading this scripture, I found myself thinking long and hard. It tells me that God gave Paul a vision, this is a message from God to either do something, or go somewhere. Paul was an apostle and a true believer in God and Christ. I am also a believer in God and Christ. I believe during lent he gave me visions and let me hear his holy angels voices.

This is what made me know I'm a disciple of God and he is leading me to do his work. I also because he gave me a wonderful gift. The gift of writing. I write stories that are christian and aimed for the young adult crowd. This means I write stories for the children of our future. The age range is 12 to 18 yrs old. I believe we have to invest in their future. They are the disciples of the future. Let us prepare a way for them to come to Christ and God. They are his children, just like we are their children

Daily Scripture: 2 Corinthians 1:5

2010-10-15T12:40:00.000-04:00

2 Corinthians 1:5
Because Christ suffered so much for us, we can receive so much comfort from him.

This scripture makes me feel so alive. I believe this scripture explains that Christ gave his life for me to gain everlasting life. It also tells me that God gave this as a gift for us to know he loves us unconditional love. That means no matter what you do here, longs you pray and ask forgiveness and you'll receive the Holy Ghost and it will tell you of such a great gift God gave for us. He gave up his only son to die for our sins. What a wonderful gift Christ gave for us to join God one day...

Romans 8:1-11 Daily Scripture

2010-10-12T14:00:00.000-04:00

So those who are believers in Christ Jesus can no longer be condemned. The standards of the Spirit, who gives life through Christ Jesus, have set you free from the standards of sin and death. It is impossible to do what God’s standards demand because of the weakness our human nature has. But God sent his Son to have a human nature as sinners have and to pay for sin. That way God condemned sin in our corrupt nature. Therefore, we, who do not live by our corrupt nature but by our spiritual nature, are able to meet God’s standards.

Those who live by the corrupt nature have the corrupt nature’s attitude. But those who live by the spiritual nature have the spiritual nature’s attitude. The corrupt nature’s attitude leads to death. But the spiritual nature’s attitude leads to life and peace. This is so because the corrupt nature has a hostile attitude toward God. It refuses to place itself under the authority of God’s standards because it can’t. Those who are under the control of the corrupt nature can’t please God. But if God’s Spirit lives in you, you are under the control of your spiritual nature, not your corrupt nature.

Whoever doesn’t have the Spirit of Christ doesn’t belong to him. However, if Christ lives in you, your bodies are dead because of sin, but your spirits are alive because you have God’s approval. Does the Spirit of the one who brought Jesus back to life live in you? Then the one who brought Christ back to life will also make your mortal bodies alive by his Spirit who lives in you.

This scripture tells me, that I have to have the spirit of God, the Holy Ghost living and breathing inside my body, soul, heart and strength. I believe I do have the Holy Ghost living inside. I pray daily for this spirit of God to lead my path, let me know what is right, and what is not. I feel God guiding spirit living, and dwelling inside my soul and heart.

Remember: to pray daily, you need to have God living, and breathing inside. Without God's guiding spirit within your, you're going to fail at every thing you try and do!

Our Father - Prayer

2010-10-11T17:03:00.000-04:00

Our Father

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

What does saying this prayer mean to you? Do you prayer daily, weekly, so on? Do you trust in God to answer prayer?

Saying the Our Father helps me connect with God. it lets me meditate and come into a peaceful time, a chatting line from my mind and heart to his listening ear. I love praying and I find God is constantly with me. I let him into my heart daily, and more like hourly if I have the time. The thing is we all need to have time, make time to commune with God and let him know we think of him every minute of the day. Without him, we are alone, and can be tempted by Satan, the Devil. Satan is there, tempting us each minute of the day. If we aren't in tuned with God, Satan can latch onto us and lead us astray. Remember to keep mindful and in tune with God. For GOD and CHRIST are the only way to salvation and everlasting life...

Exodus 35:30 to 36:1 Daily Scripture

2010-10-11T16:27:00.000-04:00

Exodus 35:30-36:1 (GOD’S WORD Translation)

Then Moses said to the Israelites, “The Lord has chosen Bezalel, son of Uri and grandson of Hur, from the tribe of Judah. The Lord has filled Bezalel with the Spirit of God, making him highly skilled, resourceful, and knowledgeable in all trades. 32He’s a master artist familiar with gold, silver, and bronze. He knows how to cut and set stones and how to work with wood. He’s an expert in all trades. Also, the Lord has given Bezalel and Oholiab, son of Ahisamach, from the tribe of Dan the ability to teach others. The Lord has made these men highly skilled in all trades. They can do the work of jewelers, carpenters, and designers. They know how to embroider violet, purple and bright red yarn on fine linen. They know how to weave yarn on a loom. They can do all kinds of trades. They are master artists.”

Exodus 36

Moses continued, “So Bezalel and Oholiab will do the work as the Lord has commanded. They will do this with the help of every other craftsman to whom the Lord has given the necessary skills and talents. They will know how to do all the work for constructing the holy place.”

This scripture speaks to me in a few ways. First it talks about the many different gifts the people of Israel. They they are guided by God to build a sacred home of where they can commune with God and offer sacrifices and so on. I believe God to this very day give us all gifts, we just have to use them right and thank him for his mercy and love. Because without God we are lost in the wilderness and have no direction. He is our Guide in this world, this earth is where we commune and live. Thank God for his graces and pray one day we will understand what Christ gave up for us. He gave his whole life to pay the price for our sins. It's this wonderful. I believe it is. Plus we are given gifts, gifts and talents for what we do each day of our lives.

My talent s writing and reading his word and posting my thoughts on what I interpret from the Bible...
Remember to thank God for your many gifts you receive from him.

1 Samuel 12:24 - Daily Scripture

2010-10-10T18:55:00.000-04:00

2 Samuel 12:24
Fear the Lord, and serve him sincerely. Consider the great things he did for you.

I've been pondering this scripture all day and reading over and over many times during the day and into the early evening. It tells me that we have to acknowledge God and our savior, remember the good he has given us. Say a prayer of thanks to God when we receive what we want. Pray for guidance and help when we lack wisdom, faith and trust in him and our earthly family.

He has set us here on earth to lead others towards him. To thank him every single day. I thank God for the food on my table, the clothes on my back and all the friends and family I have here in America. For those who don't know me, I was born in Chatham, Kent England. I had a rather mixed up beginning to life. But for the last five years and a couple of days. I arrived in Indy back in October 2005. Now it's October 2010 and I've just celebrated the fifth year here. It will be my fifth year anniversary of my marriage to my partner on 10th November.

With God's Guidance or Without God's Guidance

2010-10-10T13:10:00.000-04:00

Without God's Guidance
Without having God to guide you in your daily life, is not a good prospect. When I sit on the couch and switch my laptop on ad get writing or watching TV etc, I get no inspiration to write or whatever I plan on doing during the day. I lack guidance and I waste the day away. Also my depression rises to escalating levels and I feel suicidal and I'm at rock bottom. I have a few mental health issues and people who know me I suffer intense pain levels in my legs, knees, lower back, plus my asthma and epilepsy are bad too.

With God's Guidance
I pray for God's guidance and inspiration in my daily life. After prayer, I study God's word, the Bible. After this I have breakfast and then turn on my computer and check emails, and chat to friends while I research about a story I want to write, plus write with guidance from God to let me write my current story. I'm always busy and focused when I have let God into my heart for that day.

Remember: with God in your heart, soul and mind you are not ready for the day ahead. Talk to him, ask him into your heart, mind and soul. Let him guide your every minute each day...

Praising God

2010-10-04T16:51:00.000-04:00

Today I have found listening to songs on YouTube. You'll find that I listen to Song of praise and worship to our beloved Christ and God. I Urge you to also remember the Holy Ghost. I believe in daily scripture readings, right now today, I'm reading Galatians and I find God's word spiritual and beneficial to all. If you not a christian, the let God and Christ touch your heart, soul and body. Let him into your life. I believe without God in my life I am nothing but dust...

May God Bless Your Life...

Song - Shine On Me!

2010-10-04T16:41:00.000-04:00

Verse 1

Her voice imbedded in my head
An embezzle in my heart
It's spelling her name, and its telling me
Because I can get her in my hands
To put her on my arm
These expensive things are just wearing me
Cause nothing, even matters if my sun shines
Trapped in, behind the clouds most of the time
I finally see why the guard her soul
Cause she's priceless,
But there's something she ought to know, so

Bridge 1

She got me pickin' up rocks
Tossing them at her window
Baby come outside
I gave it two or three knocks
Standing at the front door because I gone run out of rocks
(Oh I gotta get up)
And let her know she's perfect in ways
(she couldn't think of)
And I think about her everyday
This might not be love, but this crush
Got me wanting to tell you today

Chorus

You're a diamond in the rough
Dust you off baby, I want to make you shine for me,
And if I can take you out, I'll show you off baby,
I want the whole world to see.
(Because you look so blind)
Cause they same I'm a star
(But you can carry your own light)
Shed some light on my heart
You're a diamond in the rough
I want to make you shine for me,
Shine for me, shine for me

Verse 2

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/shine-for-me-lyrics-chris-brown.html ]

Now this, might be the only time to say it
We're finally face to face and baby
You're probably scared to be put out on display
To be part of a showcase
What if I could paint a picture
You could be my Mona Lisa
Baby you're a work of art
And just when I thought I had her
Baby girl picked her bag up
Told me watch out, then she ran back into the house now

Bridge 2

She got me pickin' up rocks
Tossing them at her window
Baby come outside
I gave it two or three knocks
Standing at the front door because I gone run out of rocks
(Oh I gotta get up)
And let her know she's perfect in ways
(she couldn't think of)
And I think about her everyday
This might not be love, but this crush
Got me wanting to tell you today

Chorus (x2)

You're a diamond in the rough
Dust you off baby, I want to make you shine for me,
And if I can take you out, I'll show you off baby,
I want the whole world to see.
(Because you look so blind)
Cause they same I'm a star
(But you can carry your own light)
Shed some light on my heart
You're a diamond in the rough
I want to make you shine for me,
Shine for me, shine for me

Hearing God's Word

2010-10-03T19:42:00.000-04:00

Today I have been toying with tell anyone about church today. Like my previous post was about Angels, God's messenger. It you trust in a higher power, There is only one, God. The God of Adam and Eve, God of Isaac, Abraham, and Jacob. The list goes on. I believe in God, God the Almighty, the creator of heaven and earth. I'm not a theologists or any professor. I'm just Jools, Bratz to close friends. I'm a normal person, with some differences.

During the homily this morning, I closed my eyes and spoke to God within the silence of my contrite heart. To be contrite means to be sorry for your sins and offer up to God or your guardian angels. Use your guardian angel to offer up prayer and troubles you have to God. God sent his angels to be our guardians and guide us, just like the Holy Ghost guides us. But you must be faithful and prayer daily to keep in good standing with God and his angels and messengers.

Anyhow lets get back to the subject. During the homily I heard another voice, a heavenly voice. I close my mind to the homily, and listened to the voice. "You are being a new journey, a journey unto me. You'll listen to scripture, homilies at my church. Plus, you'll be guided by your two guardian angels. They will guide your heart, your mind and your soul. Listen to them. You'll be renewed in my unconditional love. My love is never ending. You are mine, I know your name." then the voice ended. I could now hear the homily and the Words of Father Plaster. I understand God is using me, but how I'm not sure of. I love and trust in his wisdom and guardian angels along with the Holy Ghost to guide me back to live with him in heaven.

Guardian Angels and Prayer

2010-10-03T15:11:00.000-04:00

This morning I slept in, my partner had to wake me up around 8:50am this morning. It was bitterly cold outside, even with a jacket on. I got to church just as mass was starting. Suzie Q was running behind, no shock there. She is one of my best friends. Anyhow back on track. Placing myself next to my partner I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer of my heart. I believe the service was to touch my heart and release the walls I usually keep up in my head. I never let anyone into my head and I never respect or trust anyone but my life partner and their family. I've not even trusted my close friends with what I have been through in my entire life.

During the homily I felt touched by the talk of guardian angels and how angels do the work of God and guide us to fulfill what our vocations. I believe my vocation is to write stories christian stories to bring young adults into the fold of God. We are here if not for the youth then who. Trust in the Lord and in him we will see mighty things.

I know it's hard at times, but I believe the homily was to speak to me and let me know he has my corner. Knowing that God is in my corner make me feel that I can get through everything. Remember with God and Jesus in your corner, you will do fine. I know with them in my corner, I can conquer any trouble I come up against. In your find something hard to finished or do, open your heart, and say a simple prayer up to God and his angels and they will guide your paths.

Word from God

2010-09-26T20:11:00.000-04:00

Usually church is good and very touching. This time it was more than touching. As I positioned my wheelchair, I closed my eyes and just let my heart talk to God. Usually I never get an answer right away. I heard an heavenly voice. I didn't know what to say, but right after I opened my eyes, I found myself whisked away. I wasn't in church no longer, I was sitting before our Lord, God. I couldn't see his face, but I knelt before a mighty being. It was brighter than anything before. It was brilliant white, like snow. The voice announced my health issues were going to start changing. I was soon going to be without any pain. I felt something come over me, The intense pain disappeared for what I assume to be ten to twenty minutes.

To be without pain for even five minutes is not heard of since Lent. I believe God is sending his angels to watch over me, and my gift for writing. "Lisa, you are my disciple. You will be free of pain and you'll be able to walk without aid." Then I found myself back in church and sitting ready to partake communion.

Since 1994 I've I've had pain in my knees, ankles and lower back. Now I'm confined to either a wheelchair or walking with a walker.

Sunday Mass and Prayer

2010-09-19T13:22:00.000-04:00

At church, I wasn't sure if I wanted to prayer. I closed my eyes once I positioned my chair. I hate having to use my chair, but I get so dizzy I collapse or I'm in intense pain in knees, lower back and my ankles are constantly swollen. For the past month, I'd been without my laptop. Now that I have it, I'm thankful for the guy who fixed my computer and to God for helping me get through the last month.

After the Eucharist I felt compelled to pray. I'd said a short one before the start of mass. That was a thank you note to God. But this time I was compelled to say a long prayer unto Mary and one to the Holy Ghost. While praying as they started singing the last song. I heard from God. I know it was him. He touch me. I felt warm, cosy and content deep inside. I asked for peace, and for forgiveness for all my sins.

It was like for years I'd never felt loved, but I now know that I needed God to enter my whole body and mind, for me to know true unconditional love. I now know my partner loves me. I know my friends care about me and I don't have to buy their love. I also feel free, free from my family and their not so nice abuse they thrust onto me. I'm glad I'm not in England, but I can't wait to be an American. I hope it's soon...

Sunday Warning {Writing}

2010-09-13T16:51:00.000-04:00

After mass on Sunday morning, I felt compelled to think what I write and what I should be writing. Being a catholic, and christian is what I am. But I'm also different. I'm not normal in any way. God created me to be different. I gone through a lot of painful experiences and with them, I suffered emotional, verbal and physical abuse from friends and mainly from my biological family in England.

After Communion I closed my eyes, and said a silent prayer in the pits of my heart, which was near breaking point. I knew I wouldnt get an answer right away, I knew it would take time for God to hear the suffereing of my heart and soul. Right now it's Monday afternoon 4:47pm, my partner is due home at 6pm. I got an answer from my prayer this afternoon. Not sure what to say about it, all I heard was "Write fabout your childhood, the abuse and neglect neets to come out. If you don't you'll never receive full healing. Trust your heart, mind. I will guide you." I'm not sure if I'm going crazy or what, but I think my life is changing yet again. Soon it'll be advent season and mass will touch my heart yet once again like it did during Lent.

Thursday Quote

2010-09-09T12:04:00.000-04:00

Those who have read the Holy Bible from cover to cover

And have continued to read it on a daily basis

Are considered by God to be well read

Guidance and Angelic Guardianship

2010-08-09T17:59:00.000-04:00

I've be depressed and feeling rock bottom today, much over the last week. Today I said a small prayer to God and his heavenly angels. I wanted guidance, advice and how to get myself through the rough patches. This afternoon I found Daniel C 33-42. It talked about how God Angel took Habakkuk who'd cooked a meal of stew and bread. To take food for Daniel who was in the lions pit. After the angel took Habakkuk to Daniel and fed him the food, the angel returned Habakkuk to his home.

Then the king visited Daniel in the pit. He assumed Daniel would be dead. But instead found Daniel much alive and sitting in the midst of the lions. He released Daniel, singing praise to Our God, the God of Daniel...

THis shows us all, we we have faith, and stick to God's guidebook, the BIBLE. we too can be enriched and enlighted by God's spoken word through his prophets and their inspired writing in our best book ever, the bible.

Faith and Inspiration

2010-08-09T10:08:00.000-04:00

1Tim 6:3-10

This scripture tells of having faith in God and not trying to get rich or wanting worldly goods. As Long as we have clothes on our bodies, food in out stomach and somewhere to worship, we have everything we need. Worldly items don't bring us happiness, but misery. I found this scripture enlightening and touching to understand. I know some of us think we haven't got enough of this or that. I say NO!

Listen to God's word, pray about it, then do what is right. Accept we have things because we need them. Only thirst for God's knowledge and guidance. Nothing else is what we need...

Panic Attacks and God's Guidance

2010-07-21T22:48:00.000-04:00

This morning Troy and myself had to travel downtown to get my bus pass renewed. This sounds easy doesn't it. But you are completely wrong. First, when the bus arrived to take us downtown, I was in my wheelchair. I was put on a lift to get in and out the bus. Then traveling through town, the driver went via interstate. On the interstate you end up going over bridges and flyovers. These create panic inside me. I have a phobia of being tossed out of a moving vehicle, plus being flung off a bridge.

On the ride home, I was in a major panic mode. Troy was busying reading his book. I closed my eyes, in hope of Troy letting me know when it was safe to open them again. But he didn't. I then heard a voice. No I not joking. I heard a voice, it wasn't Troy or the bus driver either. I hadn't prayed for guidance or strength either. But the voice told me to relax, breath deeply and observe the trees, cars and trucks we passed. And descibing them to the heavenly voice. I believe God sent his Holy Ghost came to me and help me through the journey home. I got home and got into our apartment and I felt heaps better.

Once I'd eaten something, I prayed to God for many thanks for helping me in my time of need. I believe even when we don't ask for God, Christ and the Holy Ghost to help us through a trying time, they come anyway. To believe in this happening every time, trust me it happens. I know you might think, I've lost my marbles and got completely bananas. But I'm not crazy, I just believe...

C.R.H.P. Meeting

2010-07-15T11:48:00.000-04:00

After a lot of thought and prayer, I have decided that I know what God's plan is in my life. At times it's very hard, at others life is a piece of cake. Right now It's had work, but I pray daily, and mostly to Our Mother, Mary, and the Holy Ghost. These are the ones we all should remember in prayers. God gave us the Holy Ghost, this is God spirit in us this day, to guide ad show us the right way to live and what each day should bring. I believe God the Father, God the Son wanted us to Have their Holiness, their spirit in us, to dwell inside out mind, body and soul. This is because when we pray, if we receive an answer, we should listen, and pay attention to the guidance of the Holy Ghost.

From the devotional Robin read out, this touch my heart to no end. I felt lead by the spirit. I now have gone back to reading my daily devotional and I know if we all read daily and pray about what we read, God spirit will touch us. We need to allow him to enter our bodies, our minds and lead up back to him. I know he is calling us. Please listen to him warnings...

Visions and Dreams

2010-07-01T12:43:00.001-04:00

Where we dream during the night, we see images and hear words. Are these dreams also visions from God?

During the day, we ca see visions. To me a vision is a images followed by words. Are visions truly from God?

I've been searching through the entire world-wide-web, but the only things I've found is that mostly men get visions and dreams from God. This got me thinking and wondering about so much. I've been asking myself if God only gives dreams and visions to men, why has he chosen me?

Now I've come to realize that if God created me, then he is also allowing his angels and the Holy Ghost, to talk to me. This means, I do get visions and I do get him talking to me. If anyone won't listen to his words, he is so much mightier than any of us humans. He created us, and he does want us to dwell with him once again in time. To be created, and have breath inserted into us.

Think of it for a minute. How does it feel to know you were created in his image. To me this means the world. He can know each of our strands of hair on our head, he knows the makeup of our dna, our atoms that were created and make up our body this day. This is amazing, to know someone created us, gave us breath, and a soul. Freedom of choice, free will.

Now he is talking to us through our dreams and visions. I believe God is showing us the way back to him, let him guide you. Let him love you. Love him back, follow him always...

Visions and God's Plan

2010-06-27T23:47:00.000-04:00

Today at church, well first I didn’t want to go. My back wand left knee was in excruciating agony. After a five minute prayer, I felt God’s presence within my body. I usually don’t pray to the Holy Ghost, but this morning I felt the urge. Once at church, the pain was getting heaps worse. I felt that I want going to kill myself if the pain didn’t get better. The pain issues I face are hard, but I know God is with me, but something that’s doesn’t help when the psychical pain is horendance. This was one morning I wished I had a magical cure for my pain issues that riddle my entire body.

Once in the chapel, I sat there in my chair, thinking about God and when I’d be free of pain. I remember at the beginning of Easter/Lent, I had my first vision. Which told me my pain was going to get worse before it got better. It’s now June, almost July. I wonder if he’s forgotten all about me. But I know he hasn’t forgotten me, he just wants me to be patient and listen to his word and advice he gives us in the Bible. Everyday I read my bible, but at time during the day, when I lack faith or hope, I turn to prayer and scripture.

This morning in church, I was given yet another vision. This was one of me being with my entire family. All my children and my grandparents up in heaven. I was sitting in the midst of them giggling and being ever so happy. Then I saw myself and my partner living in a three bedroom apartment, fostering children. Giving them someone who they can trust and know that they’re loved. Being in a vision my partner and I in a house riddled with children. This is my dream, I believe God is showing me what is to come. I just need to be patient and let things happen on God’s time, not mine…

Sunday Morning Mass

2010-06-20T12:18:00.001-04:00

This morning at church, I had to use my wheelchair, but I didn't mind so much. My partner was very careful not to bump or jolt my back or knees as he pushed me up the ramp into the church. St Mark Catholic Church is a friendly and evangelical church. I have many friends there, even though I might not know everyone by name, but they sure know me. I not sure if I'm the only Brit, at church or not, but I'm well known for many different things I think. There is one thing I'm sure of, there are non-American citizens at church. My dear friend Chela wasn't an American citizen for a while. She became one about 18months to 3 years ago.

Anyhow, lets get back to the matter at hand, when happened to me during church, mass. Once in the chapel, I sat there hoping for the immense pain I was having in my knee and lower back. Wondering if God was going to give me a vision or be silent. At 9:50am, mass had began and I was enjoying the choir and closed my eyes and started to pray for healing . Not complete healing, but just to allow me to get through mass and lower my pain level a little, not much to ask. Instead of my pain getting better, it got way worse. I felt that asking for relief of pain, was the wrong thing to ask for.

I sat back in my wheelchair and just enjoyed my time, and deal with the pain. I was enveloped by dark black cloud. everything was dark, I couldn't even see my partner any longer. This was scary and I was terrified of what was going on. I squeezed my eyes shut, saying a little prayer in the silence of my heart. Nothing changed, why I wasn't sure. Wanting to move, but I was no longer in my wheelchair. I was sitting in a chair, a nice comfy chair. In front of the chair was a desk and in front of the desk, was a massive line of children and their parents, this is what I assumed. I was signing books, On the desk was a picture of a girl holding a bible, with the title Renewal of faith on the picture. I knew then I was being shown my future. Why I wasn't completely sure?

All I knew, God and his Angels were showing me my future. I then was sitting in my wheelchair and Eucharist was starting. After I took of the Eucharist, and closed my eyes and prayed. Thanking God and his Angels for showing me what I believe to be my future. I now know that my writing is a gift from God and I'll be bringing his children to him, via my writing.

John 1:14 The Word - Jesus

2010-06-16T18:24:00.000-04:00

John 1:14 The Word became a human being and, full of grace and truth, lived among us. We saw his glory, the glory which he received as the Father's only Son.

Read the verse, what does it tell you? Does it explain everything? Do you know who the Word is referring to?

Jesus is the Word. God is the Word. God has no beginning or end. He created everything in existence. In my ‘Student Catholic Study Bible’, the version is Good News Translation. On the first page of John chapter one, reads on a corner, saying how we should view the scripture that can baffle me and most people studying the bible. ‘Jesus is what God wants for us.’ This is written in the words of a child.

Children are the very thing to listen to when they talk about God and Jesus and the Holy Ghost. The trinity has baffled me for eons, or years. I have never understood it. Being three separate beings, but also being three in one at the same time; this should be not understood, but believe and have faith as this is what Jesus taught us.

He taught us many different things on his time on this earth. The words of his wisdom, knowledge and rules for life are in the Holy Bible. Read, prayer, ponder. These are the things we should do daily, without question. Lately I have been lacking in this. Usually I read and study the bible daily, but for the last two weeks, I’ve done nothing to keep Jesus and God in my heart, mind or soul.

This morning after my counseling session with my therapist, I realized one thing. I need God. Without God in our daily lives, we will be lost, alone and lacking faith and wisdom to get through our lives little problems and trials. Trust in God, read the scripture; reading the Holy Bible, God manual for us. Yes I know it sounds a bit far fetched, but the Bible is God manual for us. It tells about how God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost wants us to live and return one day to reside with them in heaven. Without God guiding us, we will loss the way, get tempted and lack the wisdom, guidance we get from our connection with God.

Having God guiding our every little step we take through life and what goes on in our life every single minute and second. Remember he knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb. I ask you to read five verses each day, then pray about what you’ve read. Ponder the words, let the words and God’s spirit, the Holy Ghost enter into your being and it will guide you, leading you from any dark place, to enlightenment and survival.

Root of al Evil - below video

2010-06-15T17:48:00.000-04:00

I've been watching quite a lot of videos on youtube, the one below is the first in the set. If you doubt the fact or myth about the truth behind the bible. Let me tell you to read previous posts. I'm a firm believer of God, Christ and the gift of the Holy Ghost. I'm a dedicated and devoted catholic. I watched these videos with an open mind, and sense of what people believe as science and belief.

For me, I believe in the Holy Bible. I believe it was man work writing it, but every man was, inspired by Go and the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost enters our body, mind and soul. It guides us through trying times, and easy times in our lives. If you believe, then you know God created all things. But if your a doubter and scientist, then take a moment and ponder the things created in this world. The human body, The galaxy, The many different talents each of us has. He gave you your gifts for medicine, science, history, teaching and mine, for writing.

Remember he created all things, read and pray about the scriptures. Let God and his Holy Ghost enter your every being and let you know he is there, you were created in his image alone.

Root of All Evil - Episode 1 (1/5)

2010-06-15T17:38:00.000-04:00

Living Hope - 1 Peter 1:3

2010-06-15T16:28:00.000-04:00

1 Peter 1:3 - Let us give thanks to the God oand father of our Lord Jesus Christ! Because of his great mercy he gave us a new life by raising Jesus Christ from death. This fills us with a living hope,

The scripture above is a powerful one. To me this gives me hope when I'm in the darkest of my depression or just feeling like there is no way out, I read this and know God the Father, God the son, God the Holy Ghost is with me, holding me up as I try to walk down the right path. I feel guided, loved, and cared for by God. He touches our hearts, soul and body. Letting us all know he is there, we just have to ask for him to come into our lives and lead us.

I got this scripture out of a book I've started reading today, it's called: Walking With The God Who CARES! and yes hge does care for us, he knows us even before we were conceived. He can count the hairs on our head, the many different atoms that takes tpo create us, each one is numbered by GOD.

Believe, Trust and in God we have a new living HOPE!

Self Injury Behavior

2010-05-23T18:13:00.000-04:00

Cutting and Self-Injury

The number of young people who participate in acts of self-mutilation is growing. Although self-harm is rarely a suicidal act, it must be taken seriously because accidental deaths do occur. It’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel but breaking the cycle of self-abuse is possible if you reach out to someone you trust. Finding new ways of coping with your feelings can help to tone down the intense urges you feel which results in you hurting yourself. Recovery is a continuous process and learning how to stop this addictive behavior is within your reach if you work at it.

Who Engages in Self--Injury?

The numbers are staggering…about two million people in the U.S. are self-injurers and approximately 1% of the population has inflicted physical injury upon themselves at some time in their life as a way to cope with an overwhelming situation or feeling. Those numbers are most likely an underestimation because the majority of acts of self-injury go unreported. In other parts of the world the numbers are considerably higher. Self-injury does not discriminate against race, culture, or socio-economic strata, but there is conflicting data regarding demographics. Some reference sites indicate that the majority of people who engage in this type of addictive behavior are predominately female teenagers and young adults, while other sites indicate that both genders, ranging in age from 14 to 60 self-injure. However, there is consistent agreement that self-harm has more to do with having poor coping mechanisms than anything else.

Types of Self -Injury

Self-injury, self-inflicted violence, self-injurious behavior or self-mutilation is defined as a deliberate, intentional injury to one’s own body that causes tissue damage or leaves marks for more than a few minutes which is done to cope with an overwhelming or distressing situation.

The most common self-injurious behaviors are:

Cutting - involves making cuts or scratches on your body with any sharp object, including knives, needles, razor blades or even fingernails. The arms, legs and front of the torso are most commonly cut because they are easily reached and easily hidden under clothing

Branding – burning self with a hot object, Friction burn – rubbing a pencil eraser on your skin

Picking at skin or re-opening wounds (dermatillomania) - is an impulse control disorder characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin, often to the extent that damage is caused which relieves stress or is gratifying

Hair-pulling (trichotillomania) – is an impulse control disorder which at times seems to resemble a habit, an addiction, or an obsessive-compulsive disorder. The person has an irresistible urge to pull out hair from any part of their body. Hair pulling from the scalp often leaves patchy bald spots on their head which they hide by wearing hats, scarves and wigs. Abnormal levels of serotonin or dopamine may play a role in this disorder. The combined treatment of using an anti-depressant such as Anafranil and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been effective in treating this disorder. CBT teaches you to become more aware of when you’re pulling, helps you identify your pulling habits, and teaches you about what emotions and triggers are involved in hair pulling. When you gain awareness of pulling, you can learn to substitute healthier behaviors instead.

Hitting (with hammer or other object), Bone breaking, Punching, Head-banging (more often seen with autism or severe mental retardation)

Multiple piercing or tattooing - may also be a type of self-injury, especially if pain or stress relief is a factor

Drinking harmful chemicals

Reasons for self-injury

Why do they do it?

Even though it is possible that a self-inflicted injury may result in death, self-injury is usually not suicidal behavior. The person who self-injures may not recognize the connection, but this act usually occurs after an overwhelming or distressing experience and is a result of not having learned how to identify or express difficult feelings in a healthy way. Sometimes the person who deliberately harms themselves thinks that if they feel the pain on the outside instead of feeling it on the inside, the injuries will be seen, which then perhaps gives them a fighting chance to heal. They may also believe that the wounds, which are now physical evidence, proves their emotional pain is real. Although the physical pain they experience may be the catalyst that releases the emotional pain, the relief they feel is temporary. These coping mechanisms in essence are faulty because the pain eventually returns without any permanent healing taking place.

It is difficult to understand the motivations behind self-injurious behavior, but a clearer picture develops when you hear the common explanations self-injurers give for doing it:

“It expresses emotional pain or feelings that I’m unable to put into words. It puts a punctuation mark on what I’m feeling on the inside!”

“It’s a way to have control over my body because I can’t control anything else in my life”

“I usually feel like I have a black hole in the pit of my stomach, at least if I feel pain it’s better than feeling nothing”

I feel relieved and less anxious after I cut. The emotional pain slowly slips away into the physical pain”

Self-injury can regulate strong emotions. It can put a person who is at a high level of physiological arousal back to a baseline state.

Deliberate self-harm can distract from emotional pain and stop feelings of numbness.

Self-inflicted violence is a way to express things that cannot be put into words such as displaying anger, shocking others or seeking support and help.

Self-injurious behavior can exert a sense of control over your body if you feel powerless in other areas of your life. Sometimes magical thinking is involved and you may imagine that hurting yourself will prevent something worse from happening. Also, when you hurt yourself it influences the behavior of others and can manipulate people into feeling guilty, make them care, or make them go away.

Self punishment or self-hate may be involved. Some people who self-injure have a childhood history of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. They may erroneously blame themselves for having been abused, they may feel that they deserved it and are now punishing themselves because of self-hatred and low self-esteem.

Self-abuse can also be a self-soothing behavior for someone who does not have other means to calm intense emotions. Self-injury followed by tending to one’s own wounds is a way to express self-care and be self-nurturing for someone who never learned how to do that in a more direct way.

People who self-injure have some common traits:

Expressions of anger were discouraged while growing up

They have co-existing problems with obsessive-compulsive disorder, substance abuse or eating disorders

They lack the necessary skills to express strong emotions in a healthy way

Often times there is a limited social support network

Cutting and Self-InjuryThe number of young people who participate in acts of self-mutilation is growing.

Although self-harm is rarely a suicidal act, it must be taken seriously because accidental deaths do occur. It’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel but breaking the cycle of self-abuse is possible if you reach out to someone you trust. Finding new ways of coping with your feelings can help to tone down the intense urges you feel which results in you hurting yourself. Recovery is a continuous process and learning how to stop this addictive behavior is within your reach if you work at it.

Who Engages in Self--Injury?
The numbers are staggering…about two million people in the U.S. are self-injurers and approximately 1% of the population has inflicted physical injury upon themselves at some time in their life as a way to cope with an overwhelming situation or feeling. Those numbers are most likely an underestimation because the majority of acts of self-injury go unreported. In other parts of the world the numbers are considerably higher. Self-injury does not discriminate against race, culture, or socio-economic strata, but there is conflicting data regarding demographics. Some reference sites indicate that the majority of people who engage in this type of addictive behavior are predominately female teenagers and young adults, while other sites indicate that both genders, ranging in age from 14 to 60 self-injure. However, there is consistent agreement that self-harm has more to do with having poor coping mechanisms than anything else.

Types of Self -InjurySelf-injury, self-inflicted violence, self-injurious behavior or self-mutilation is defined as a deliberate, intentional injury to one’s own body that causes tissue damage or leaves marks for more than a few minutes which is done to cope with an overwhelming or distressing situation.

The most common self-injurious behaviors are:
Cutting - involves making cuts or scratches on your body with any sharp object, including knives, needles, razor blades or even fingernails. The arms, legs and front of the torso are most commonly cut because they are easily reached and easily hidden under clothing

Branding – burning self with a hot object, Friction burn – rubbing a pencil eraser on your skin

Picking at skin or re-opening wounds (dermatillomania) - is an impulse control disorder characterized by the repeated urge to pick at one's own skin, often to the extent that damage is caused which relieves stress or is gratifying

Hair-pulling (trichotillomania) – is an impulse control disorder which at times seems to resemble a habit, an addiction, or an obsessive-compulsive disorder. The person has an irresistible urge to pull out hair from any part of their body. Hair pulling from the scalp often leaves patchy bald spots on their head which they hide by wearing hats, scarves and wigs. Abnormal levels of serotonin or dopamine may play a role in this disorder. The combined treatment of using an anti-depressant such as Anafranil and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been effective in treating this disorder. CBT teaches you to become more aware of when you’re pulling, helps you identify your pulling habits, and teaches you about what emotions and triggers are involved in hair pulling. When you gain awareness of pulling, you can learn to substitute healthier behaviors instead.

Hitting (with hammer or other object), Bone breaking, Punching, Head-banging (more often seen with autism or severe mental retardation)

Multiple piercing or tattooing - may also be a type of self-injury, especially if pain or stress relief is a factor

Drinking harmful chemicals

Reasons for self-injuryWhy do they do it?Even though it is possible that a self-inflicted injury may result in death, self-injury is usually not suicidal behavior. The person who self-injures may not recognize the connection, but this act usually occurs after an overwhelming or distressing experience and is a result of not having learned how to identify or express difficult feelings in a healthy way. Sometimes the person who deliberately harms themselves thinks that if they feel the pain on the outside instead of feeling it on the inside, the injuries will be seen, which then perhaps gives them a fighting chance to heal. They may also believe that the wounds, which are now physical evidence, proves their emotional pain is real. Although the physical pain they experience may be the catalyst that releases the emotional pain, the relief they feel is temporary. These coping mechanisms in essence are faulty because the pain eventually returns without any permanent healing taking place.

It is difficult to understand the motivations behind self-injurious behavior, but a clearer picture develops when you hear the common explanations self-injurers give for doing it:

“It expresses emotional pain or feelings that I’m unable to put into words. It puts a punctuation mark on what I’m feeling on the inside!”“It’s a way to have control over my body because I can’t control anything else in my life”“I usually feel like I have a black hole in the pit of my stomach, at least if I feel pain it’s better than feeling nothing”I feel relieved and less anxious after I cut. The emotional pain slowly slips away into the physical pain”Self-injury can regulate strong emotions. It can put a person who is at a high level of physiological arousal back to a baseline state.

Deliberate self-harm can distract from emotional pain and stop feelings of numbness.

Self-inflicted violence is a way to express things that cannot be put into words such as displaying anger, shocking others or seeking support and help.

Self-injurious behavior can exert a sense of control over your body if you feel powerless in other areas of your life. Sometimes magical thinking is involved and you may imagine that hurting yourself will prevent something worse from happening. Also, when you hurt yourself it influences the behavior of others and can manipulate people into feelingguilty, make them care, or make them go away.

Self punishment or self-hate may be involved. Some people who self-injure have a childhood history of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. They may erroneously blame themselves for having been abused, they may feel that they deserved it and are now punishing themselves because of self-hatred and low self-esteem.

Self-abuse can also be a self-soothing behavior for someone who does not have other means to calm intense emotions. Self-injury followed by tending to one’s own wounds is a way to express self-care and be self-nurturing for someone who never learned how to do that in a more direct way.

People who self-injure have some common traits:Expressions of anger were discouraged while growing upThey have co-existing problems with obsessive-compulsive disorder, substance abuse or eating disordersThey lack the necessary skills to express strong emotions in a healthy way Often times there is a limited social support network

Inspiration From Places and Books

2010-05-22T16:22:00.000-04:00

It's now 4:09pm and I'm at Franklin Road Library. I came her with my partner and we played some games a most the afternoon I've been writing a lot of my current story. I do love playing games, but my genius is writing, because I'm good at it. But God gave me this gift an I'm using it to bring people back to him. God is the most important person in each of our lives, if we don't pray and learn to get closer to him and his begotten son Christ, we will never get eternal life.

My story - Renewal of Faith is coming on strong. Yes I have spent two days writing and I'm almost done with my second chapter. I think I have found a new insight to God's gifts he endows us with. If you let that gift go by the sidelines, you'll never understand his wonderous gifts he handed down to us via the Holy Ghost. I pray daily for my gift to lead me to him and to be able to write the sort of stories I want my children to read and enjoy.

I believe I my gifts, which make me a follower of God. If you follow God, and pray ad he'll hand you down a gift, but remember if you let your gift dwindle and not use it. It can be taken away. Pray, study the bible and praise God in all things and everything will be right with you and God.

C.R.H.P. Meeting

2010-05-18T23:09:00.000-04:00

Tonight I had a C.R.H.P. Meeting and it was at Suzie Q's. I have worked on what I wanted to do during the meeting and it went rather well. I felt the spirit leading me to say and think the way's of Christ and God. Being led by the spirit and realizing that we all have a part we fill I this time we have on earth. My job is to be evangelistic, which means to spread the word of God to those who don't have his loving touch i their lives. The evening was an abundance of God's love, his unconditional love, along with his guidance and strength.

I believe this picture says it all, God gave his only son to come to earth so that we may have everlasting life. To believe in God is the first thing we need to do. Then we have to pray daily and study his word, the bible.
I suggest you prayer for God to enter into your heart, soul and mind. it is said if you allow God to enter you whole mid, body and soul. He will lead you into the realms of God and you'll one day be with Christ ad God in Heaven. Also know if you ask God and Christ to be your savior, you'll be giving a choice to make. This choice is to follow God and live Christ like and want to spread the word of God. This is by showing others that you have God i your heart. Telling everyone that God saved you from your sins, plus now you have God in your soul, you have to study God's word daily, which is the Holy Bible.

Bible Study

2010-05-18T10:53:00.000-04:00

This morning I've been thinking about how much we try to study the bible, but don't manage it all the time. Like yesterday I wanted to give myself twenty minutes to study God's word, but failed. This is something we all need to do, study the bible daily. Even if it's only for a couple of minutes, we must pray and read the bible. This is to let God and Christ into our hearts, to lead us out of the temptations of the flesh on earth.

I intend on studying the bible for at least five minutes a day.To me if I forget to make time for God and his manual, the Holy Bible we will never become the best of what we are here for. Believe, trust and study. Think about it, if I had the choice to go to Heaven or Hell, which one would you choose. For myself personally, I'd always vote for Heaven. The thing is we do have a choice, it's just do we deserve to go to Heaven.

Are you going to Heaven or Hell?
Think for a minute, what have you done to get the right to be going to heaven. Myself I've had a shady and bad past. This is something I have to repent before I get the right to go to heaven. The Thing is doing good works isn't a pass to get you into heaven. You have top have faith, hope and be studying and taking into your heart the words in the bible. Ask God for forgiveness and let his Holy Ghost/Spirit to enter your body, soul and mind and he will lead you into righteousness and his plan to be with him in heaven.

Saturday Road Trip

2010-05-15T19:00:00.000-04:00

I was woken up this morning by Pacer around 6:15am. I got up, feeling rather tired and I know the cats wanted feeding. I was getting so dizzy, I fell, hitting my head on the cupboard. Not being able to feed the cats, I sat on the couch and tried to stop myself from getting dizzy. The dizzy spells are now constant. I hate the feeling the dizzy spells do to me, I want to be healthy and happy.

It's now 6:55pm, I'm watching Bones on TV and finding it very relaxing to watch, even though the episode is a very old one. Anyhow, At the farm and walking around the place, I felt a connection with God and Christ. When the guy was touching my head, I felt a inner glow. It was like God was guiding to be there, to be able to talk with Lourdes near the end. While Suzie Q was getting the car, I had a good talk with Lourdes and I felt her anguish and her pain. I have placed her family on my heart. God knows our pain, our inner turmoil. He is there for us all. I believe I'm here in Indiana for a reason.

Praying for my partner's family and my sisters and their families, this is something that will never stop. I pray daily to God and the Holy Ghost for my sisters and helping me gain strength and guidance to help my sisters and friends at church.

Thursday Evening

2010-05-06T22:28:00.000-04:00

Tonight has been a rather stressful evening so far. I got angry at computer, phone and my partner. My anger started at low and raised into millions in seconds. I grabbed my bible and turned to Sirach and started to read, then my partner joined me and we studied and read from the bible. This was the best thing I'd done with my partner in months. Reading scripture was very enlightening and good for spiritual growth.

The main point of this post, is that what makes you compelled to write. For the first thing is I believe God gave me the talent for writing. I love writing because it lets me talk about what is in my heart to talk about. I don't write to gain financial promise. I write for the enjoyable feeling I get once I finished a project. I believe in writing if it is in your heart to write. If not, than I suggest you just read books , rather than writing...

Thursday Afternoon

2010-05-06T15:14:00.000-04:00

It's now 3:05pm and right now I've been thinking about what is going on inside my mind, body and heart. Being different from most of the people at my church is hard. I'm transgendered, but with no wish of changing my body. What is given to me, makes me stronger and wiser with God at my side. Also I've got pluckera of mental illnesses. I have DID/MPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Mood disorders, and anxiety.

Sometimes I find it hard to get through a day without hurting myself. Hurting myself does help to a certain degree, but not fully the way I'd like. Learning right now that doing this to take my thoughts off self-harm to do productive things instead. Right now I read my bible when I get the urge to hurt myself, either by cutting or burning. I know if I pray God will give me strength, but I'm not sure I want strength.

My best friend from Mass, he is what I call a cheer me up friend. If he's online I feel 100% better. Also I'm reading through my binder, my DBT Binder. This binder has a lot of skills that help me deal with certain emotions and feelings running through my head. My partner is my strongest person I can say I love, and they love me. Being at church, in a bookstore or just outside of the apartment I cheer up a little and know God is guiding my thougth outside. but inside I feel like the devil is trying to hurt me, with voices and images I see throughout the apartment.

UK Old Time Rhyme

2010-05-05T22:03:00.000-04:00

Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
Guard the bed that I lie on
Four corners to my bed
Four angels round my head,
One to watch and one to pray
And two to bear my soul away

The rhyme above is one I grew up as a child. It used to help me know God was there and he sent his angels to watch over us. To this day, I say this rhyme nightly as it helps me sleep.

Jesus Journey in Life - Our Journey

2010-05-04T18:51:00.000-04:00

Today I have been watching three films on youtube; called Christ's Life. While watching these videos, I have to to a deeper understanding of God and what my purpose is in this life. I believe he will heal me of my afflictions. I suffer from a few different mental health issues, plus asthma, eplilepsy, and chronic pain in back and legs. The pain gets very intense and I have found light in my pain. The light is God given me these illnesses to make me a stronger person and to be his disciple. Being a disciple is hard work. You need to pray daily, read and study scripture daily and believe in Jesus and his journey for us.

Before I found my place in this world, I was lost and empty all the time. Now I believe in God, Christ and the Holy Ghost. I pray every morning and every night. Prayer has been my saving grace. Knowing that whatever I suffer, in the Lord's name I will be given many blessing from God. For God created the world, the universe and every living thing that lives on the earth, in the oceans and in the skies. He created us, in his own image. This means that evolution is a myth and not proven. Creation is the right path.

Right now it's 18:48 and I'm waiting o dinner being cooked so I can nourish my body with food. But remember we must not live on bread alone, but use God's word to nourish our minds and soul. If you are a christian, then follow God's and Christ's journey and put it in effect. This means, read scripture, pray for guidance, strength and nourishment from God to show you the way, the right direction back to him.

St Patrick - Catholic Faith

2010-05-04T13:45:00.000-04:00

Patrick was a humble, pious, gentle man, whose love and total devotion to and trust in God should be a shining example to each of us. He feared nothing, not even death, so complete was his trust in God, and of the importance of his mission.

St Patrick was a good man, a believer of the faith. Being catholic is a privilege I believe. Some people at church, go every Sunday and take communion and then go home and aren't very christian like. There are good people in this world who believe in God, Christ and the Holy Ghost. Believing is one thing, but actually doing what is stated in the bible is another.

Right now, I've been reading and studying my bible. Trying to be a good example to my friends and family. It's hard to dedicate time to God, but we all should dedicate at least thirty minutes or more to prayer, and bible study. If you believe in God and Christ, read the bible, it is written by man, but these men were in deed inspired of God. God created this world, and gave us the freedom to choose to believe or no believe.

It's now13:43 and while I'm writing this I'm also reading/studying my bible. This is something I have to do daily. Not through choice, but through the love of God and Christ. He was sent to us, so we can see the mighty unconditional love of God. Yes he loves us even when he are not listening to him. You need to listen, he is there, listen to his guiding words.

Rememering Old Friends

2010-04-29T11:47:00.000-04:00

Right now I'm listening to music on youtube. The song in previous post, is one my favorite songs. It makes me think of my friends Taryn and Gavin. Plus right now I remembering them and my children. This is making me cry and sad. I just have to remember they are in heaven with God and no longer in pain. This sometimes makes me feel a little better. I've never told anyone, but I cry everynight, because everyone at church, have their children. Were as myself, I have no kids left.

Having children is a blessing, God's blessing. But why was I treated so badly. I have had eleven children, only two living past the age of 5yrs. Kieran died at age 18, Paul at age 26. Now this makes me angry and also sad. I could tell you all about each of my children and know they are in heaven. One day I know I could join them. But when you've had a terrible past like myself. Maybe going to heaven isn't on the cards.

Two Little Boys - Rolf Harris

2010-04-29T11:29:00.000-04:00

Two little boys had two little toys
Each had a wooden horse
Gaily they played each summer's day
Warriors both of course

One little chap then had a mishap
Broke off his horse's head
Wept for his toy then cried with joy
As his young playmate said

Did you think I would leave you crying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Jack and don't be crying
I can go just as fast with two

When we grow up we'll both be soldiers
And our horses will not be toys
And I wonder if we'll remember
When we were two little boys

Long years had passed, war came so fast
Bravely they marched away
Cannon roared loud, and in the mad crowd
Wounded and dying lay

Up goes a shout, a horse dashes out
Out from the ranks so blue
Gallops away to where Joe lay
Then came a voice he knew

Did you think I would leave you dying
When there's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Joe, we'll soon be flying
I can go just as fast with two

Did you say Joe I'm all a-tremble
Perhaps it's the battle's noise
But I think it's that I remember
When we were two little boys

Do you think I would leave you dying
There's room on my horse for two
Climb up here Joe, we'll soon by flying
Back to the ranks so blue

Can you feel Joe I'm all a tremble
Perhaps it's the battle's noise
But I think it's that I remember
When we were two little boys

The Healing Begins

2010-04-26T17:33:00.000-04:00

For the most part of the day, it has been rather stressful and very sad and lonely. Being home alone, watching Criminal Minds on youtube. Realizing that While watching I was bored and surfing the web for junk mostly. I found this quote picture and had to post it here.

When you've had your childhood stolen or taken without your wishes. You need to think, look and understand, throughout everything God has been there. You just need to call his name. Some churches call God by his name. But all in all you just have to ask him to come into your heart and let the healing begin.

Today had been the start I think of the healing process for this body. Many don't understand, but when you're abused and neglected by the family who was meant to be looking out for you, to be there at all times, but never was. Ask God, to give you another family, one that will love you, care for you and be there whenever you need someone.

I've done nothing but cry all day. Plus being DID/MPD doesn't help matters either. People just don't listen, don't want to understand. TO this day I believe my only friends are my partner, our cats and that's about it.

Dealing with Grief

2010-04-22T20:34:00.000-04:00

It's Thursday 22nd April 2010. Today has been a rather tough time for me. First it was Paul's birthday, my son. Also it made me think about the direction of my life. It has been about two weeks since Paul passed and now he is with God. I've lost all of the children I've brought into this world. Today Everything I did, reminding me of my precious children and short a time I got with most. I've lost everyone of my children. I've given birth to eight children and adopted one, making it nine children.

Now I have to remember what to do with what I know about God, Jesus and Holy Ghost working in my life. Today it made me realize that life is given to us all, we are to use that gift, from God to use it to show God how much we thank him for the gift of life. If you have not used your life to empower God, you must think and act now.

We have so much to thank God for, I thank him for the gracious life I brought into this world. I have given birth to eight children, I can remember each time I gave birth to each child. I couldn't be home today, this was I would usually see my family on web-cam via YIM (Yahoo Instant Messenger). I'm in America, my family in England and Europe.

Now I am understanding God's use of me as a vessel of his word. Believing in God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost you have to have faith on things you can't see or touch, but they exist. Today I have cried and thought about Paul and how he touched my life throughout his life, just like my other children. They all taught me something about my life and how blessed I was to have been able to spend time with them, and be able to be a mother to them, even if it was short. I have loved my children, never not stopping once.

I'm starting to realize that God gave me a gift, that is for writing and having a gift to show others how much someone who was never loved, to love unconditionally to anyone in my life. I have been doing a lot of prayer and time in deep thought. Realizing that God gives us all a gift, what is yours? Mind is to be a writer and show others whom have gone through a hell of a lot abuse and broken through and understood that God doesn't stop loving you, he just gives you what will make you stronger, he is carrying you when you're weak, and in low spirit. Believe, trust, prayer.. is the way back to him!

Why I'm Afraid ?

2010-04-19T17:38:00.000-04:00

Right now I'm thinking about what is frightening me from not transitioning. There are a few factors. One my parent's family, two my church friends and three all my online and other friends. This is difficult to come to terms with. Each time I look into the mirror, I see a face, mainly male. I have facial hair, my hair is short. My voice doesn't sound feminine too much. Most people who I call, call me sir.

Anyhow, my partner is 100% behind me if I change. There is one thing that bothers me. This is losing my partner as a friend and partner in a loving relationship. I've been told we won't be together as a couple as I'm gay. They aren't gay. I am confused and lost in this world.

I believe in God, I'm a devote catholic and friends at church don't listen to me, when I try and tell them I'm not female. It just goes in one ear and out other. Something else is bothering me, does God disown you if you are trans and have a gender change operation? this is something I don't know...

I believe in God, Christ and the Holy Ghost. I believe that we are all created in God's likeness. But what if you inside are male, but body is female. And you change the body to match inside. Does he love you then? Does he want you then?

Blessings from God

2010-04-15T18:10:00.000-04:00

Over this last week, I have been having trouble believing in what Amy said at our C.R.H.P. meeting which was at Chela's home. Anyhow, I came out to them asking for help to get together with them to get the money for my citizenship test. I felt like no one cared, but the words of Amy stuck in the back of my mind. She told me by Memorial day I would be a citizen. This was annoy and conflicting with what I believed as fact. At this time we had $500 in our savings account. Which was for citizenship.

Finally I cracked down and cried. After we had to take $300+ out of our saving to put in our chequing account to be able to pay rent. Anyhow I cried every night for days. This was something I never told my partner. Anyhow, my therapist told me to ask the church. I finally prayer last week and wrote a long email to a lot of my church friends, plus father and deacon. Anyhow, I been getting emails back from one lady that kept me believing that God existed and he was there for me. Well two ladies at first, now my whole church family and friends.

Now the church is going to help us pay for citizenship test filing the forms. I know we have to pay the money back. But I feel it's a gift from God. He made me wait till the right time. I don't know how to explain this, but it's true. I said a long prayer of thanking to God, Christ and everyone at church who has put up with my moaning, annoying bad humor and anything I just blab about. Plus Suzie Q always gets me bratting out like no tomorrow. So I thank God for my church and family and friends in Indy and I'm glad to be alive. I'm glad to actually feel happy and not feel guilty about being happy.

God's Will

2010-04-14T21:42:00.000-04:00

It's now 4:12pm and I'm listening to some music videos on youtube.com. Listening to some songs by Martina McBride. The songs had nice music, but the words spoke to me. It was like something I can't explain. Listening to the words, while watching the music video of that song, it was like I had it great. The world is full of people who had things worse than me.

At times, I look at my church friends, and their lives they live. I look at my partner and the things I put them through since we got married on 10 November 2005. A lot of things have happen in the last five years. I came to America to find happiness. At first I didn't want happiness, I needed to find someone who was going to abuse me like my family, for e.g. my stepfather, my grandparents, Taryn, my mother and Janet. They had hurt me in so many ways. At first sight, my partner was a look alike of my grandfather at his age. I could explain it, but I kinda wanted my partner to be exactly like my grandfather.

From day one, I got angry, throwing punches, and cursing and pushing their buttons to get them to raise a hand against me in anger. But till this very day, I have fail. Which now I'm glad. First I wanted to be hurt as I was so used to the hurt and pain. I even had an old fashioned school master's cane.

Anyhow, this song touch me, spoke to my heart and soul. We have to realize that what happens in our lives happens because of God's Will not ours. He created us, and he shows us his love, even if you go through hell and back. It is because he wants to make you strong to follow him and become a better person.

Jesus Fact or Fiction (DVD Title)

2010-04-11T15:52:00.000-04:00

The title of this post, tells everything you need to know first. I believe God Jesus and the Holy Ghost are truth and were indeed fact. The DVD - Jesus Fact or Fiction - Inspiration Films in San Clemente CA, USA. I suggest you get this DVD and pray about the DVD films and information on this DVD disc. It truly enlightened my belief and faith.

The title of this DVD, shows that people have unanswered questions about the truth of Jesus existence. If you are a true christian and have a belief in God and Christ you will already know Christ was the son of God and he came to earth to be the sacrifice so we one day can return to heaven and be with God and Christ and have his unconditional love and the guidance of his wisdom.

The fiction part of the title, well I just thought this was stupid and ridiculous. Think about it for a moment, think hard and concentrate. Ask yourself a few questions...

How did you get on earth? What is your purpose in life? How did it become that you got the right to choose from doing good to disobeying your parents, family and teachers either in school, church and in your workplace? What is your purpose while on earth? Do you believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost as fact? Why are were we created to be born, live and then die?

The point of those questions is that God gave us the right to choose between right and wrong. If it was left up to Satan, Lucifer, Devil and the Beast. He would have not given us the right to choose. God knew when he created us, we needed to learn from our mistakes. When Adam and Eve were tempted by the snake(Satan) God would ban us from being able to connect with him like he was there beside us. Think for a moment, contemplate what it would have been like to never be sad, feel pain, get sick or even die. God wanted that for us since he created Adam, then Eve.

What a marvelous thing. Just try to imagine what it would be like to not feel pain, never be sick, always be healthy and free. This is something what God had created us for. When Adam sinned and then we were born with that first sin. For myself, I'm always in constant pain, with my legs, back and in my head. Each day I wake up, I know pain. I mean real intense pain. I have to always be home and not go out. When I do want to go out, I have to go in a wheelchair most of the time because I can't walk. My lets walk, yes, but with each step I'm sending constant intense pain throughout my body, which means I have to sit and not walk far. My church friends talk to church via car or SUV. I would love to be pain free, but that isn't possible.

Think for a moment and think what it would be like to be in a beautiful garden, were all the flowers and trees and every living animal communing together. Lion will lie with bear and either will attack you. It will be like they're your pet, your best friend. You could eat and never go hungry, drink and never thirst. To have your entire family, friends all together and never having to say goodbye or watch them die in pain. This will be what Heaven is like. What a wonderful feeling that would be. Yes I believe this is what heaven is like and it's a wonderful feeling to be able to go there one day and be with God and Christ.

Realization of Gender Dysphoria

2010-04-11T13:09:00.000-04:00

Today I woke up, I totally identified as male. Then My church friend turned up and I knew if I went to church, everyone would identify me as the gender of this body, female. I am having a hard time dealing with the issues of the body being the wrong gender. It is like I have no way to be me. Each time I look into a mirror, touch my chest, go to the bathroom; it all says I'm female. Then I just burst into fits of anger, and then the tears coming flowing down my cheeks. It's torture.

Talked to my partner and roommate. Sharing a house with Mel, is delightful. She has such a gentle and sweet nature. She sees me as male and not what the body looks like. Which is nice. Then it comes out. They are never going to change and it makes me realize maybe I'll never get the chance to change and have the outside look and match the inside. Each day is like having to look at a image in a mirror and having it always lying to you. You feel and act like a man/boy buut you look like a female/girl. This is quite common these days.

In this day and age, transgendered children/adults are more comment than they were when I was a child. Now in these times, 2010 children are getting to chance to change there gender once being diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria. When I was a child, I knew by the age of nine, I was different. I knew I was born into the wrong body so to speak.

What is meant to happen in the womb, is a child is conceived and started to grow. During the growth process in the womb, a baby is given male and female hormones. But then there is a break up and in transgendered children they get given more of the opposite hormones and that means the genitals start growing, but in the mind, heart and soul of the growing child is also given the right hormones and growth processes and they child feels male or female in all ways, but the gender is totally the opposite once born. If this talks about how you feel, seek help from a therapist or councellor.

Back in the early 1970's when I was born, it was not common and it was rare for this to happen. The thing back then if you changed your gender and had children. The children were taken from you and put into the foster care system. This is what happen to me, well sort of. My father was a MtF(male to female) and had surgery and hormones to become a woman. My father left me at the age of four and I never saw him till I was sixteen.

Now I faced this during my life. I was born female, but identify as male. It's like a nightmare, but you have to watch people say things to you eg. {Hello Miss, Can and I help you Ma'am} in places like stores and libraries and other common places. Since the age of eighteen, I haven't owned a skirt, dress or underwear of females. I dress in male clothes, I have my hair short and bind my chest. Hating what I see in the mirror, but knowing due to my physical health issues, I can't get onto T(Testosterone) or have SRS(Sex Reassignment Surgery).

I'm now 41, living in America and away from my biological family. My partner's family, to know I'm married to. They are devoted Catholics and go to church weekly for mass. I converted to be a Catholic to see if that would rid me of these feelings of being trapped into a body that I can't deal with having. But I became to get closer connection with God, and made some good friends at out local church. The only thing wrong, is I'm male through and through. Wanting to come out and tell the world I'm not who they think I am. I'm Jools not Lisa. But I have to realize that is something I can't change. I've been told I can go back to England and get onto hormones and have surgery done. But I would have to give up my friends I have in America.

Today I knew I had to be alone, as my partner had to work. Feeling alone and frightened, lost and without hope. This is always how I feel when I'm with people or not. I want my girls from church to know I'm a man, I want them to know what life is like inside and outside for me. When will this time come.. I just don't know.

Tuesday Night - Up and Down

2010-04-06T21:19:00.000-04:00

Today was a rather cruddy day till I went out tonight with Troy. The plan was to go to Walgreen's to get me some chocolate in hope it might cheer me up and be able to use to get rid of this migraine I've had for the last few days. I go out, with Troy and then come home. While I'm out my migraine seems to be gone. But once I'm home and inside, the damn thing comes back with advengence. I hate to admit it, but I think maybe my month, this April 2010, is going to be a horrid one.

Migraines, intense pain and pain spikes throughout my body. I want a day without any pain or migraine. Is this Possible? I doubt it, but who knows...

Good Friday - Easter - Sacrifice

2010-04-02T16:45:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning by my cat Emily jumping on me to feed her and our other cat Pacer. After feeding both cats, I felt something inside of me talking. It was a strange feeling inside, something I can't explain. Sitting on the couch, waiting on Troy getting up so we can get dressed and leave for my appointment with Pat at Adult and Child at 10am.

It's now 3:58pm and we've just been home for about ten to twenty minutes. Being out all day and without a drink or book to read while sitting on a bus, being in my wheelchair. Being in my chair most of the day, makes my butt hurt and it was causing my lower back to be in chronic pain. My pain levels were around a 11-12 working on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the worst). Now I'm trying to relax after a stressful day out and with annoying bus drivers and ignorance from drivers.

Anyhow, as today is Good Friday, which makes me think of the sacrifice Jesus did for us all. He gave his life up and raised again 3 days later. This was done so we all can get forgiveness of our sins and be able to to return to heaven and live with God and commune with him in everlasting happiness. This gives me a sense of relief and makes me proud to be a catholic and be able to choose my religion. I know that in some countries on earth aren't allowed to choose and worship their religion.

I have researched a lot about some countries on this planet, earth. There are some places believing and worshipping God and stating you're a Christian out aloud is a crime. Why are all these countries not allowing people like us worship God and also shout at the top of our lungs that God has saved our souls. I want to let the world know, living in the following countries we are able to worship God and be proud and shout out at the top of our lungs, that God saved our souls and his Holy Ghost is guiding us and showing us what a great thing God did for us. Letting his only begotten son come as man and die for our sins, so we one day can go up to heaven and be with God again.

Living In: England, Ireland, Wales, Scotland, America, Brazil, Russia, Spain, Holland, Germany, Australia, New Zealand, Hawaii, Canada, Belgium, France...

The above you're free to worship God and be proud to be Christian. I hope in time everyone around the world we can unite and be proud to be Christian. Right now I believe being Catholic is the right religion for everyone know that Jehovah witnesses, Mormons and other cult religions will know that God told us not to change anything in the bible. Jehovah Witnesses say Jesus died on a stake, with his hands crossed above his head with one nail through both hands. This makes me think that Jehovah Witnesses are misguided. It states in the bible that Jesus was on a cross not on a pole (stake) like the Jehovah witnesses state.

Then the Mormons, they are very misguided I believe. In the last books in the New Testament say to add no books of scripture to the bible. The Mormons have the Pearl of Great Price, Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenence. I know about both these religions, is because when I was in England and going through a tormenting time in my life. I joined the Mormons, and studied with the missionaries and went oto church. I did this for a long time, about 2 years. I found that something was wrong. I started to smoke and was diagnosed with Asthma and Epilepsy. I started to take medications and drinking Pepsi to take the pills. I was excommunicated for doing this. They told me I could remain in the church if I gave up drinking anything with caffiene in. I refused and left the church.

I moved to Margate, on the south east coastline on Kent a country in England. I meet some Jehovah Witnesses. I started to have bible study and learn a lot about the faith. I thought it was my place. Then he told me that I couldn't have a blood transfusion. I was shocked beyond belief. I stopped my bible study and tried to find another faith to follow. I tried learning from the Church of England religion, which wasn't for me either. I moved on and tried Methodist, Jewish faith and even Baptists. But all weren't the right religion for me. I need to find something that accepted me and felt good to be in that faith.

Nothing matched what I wanted. I was going to think of the only religion I hadn't thought of joining and being catholic. My family were catholic, so I knew they were bad. I then came to America. Met my husband and now I am a catholic and very devoted to my faith and friends. I am blessed with a new family, my husband's family. Friends more than I ever had in England and Ireland. It was like I was in heaven.

Now I have a faith as strong as solid rock. I have many friends, these friends, just didn't like me for what I could give them, but just friends because we liked each other. When I'm down, my friends are there to lift me up. When they are down, I help perk them up and pray for them if they or I are sick and low in spirit. I am in heaven. The only thing is, when I get to Heaven with God, I will have my hearts desire.

Warning: This post is my person experiences, not to offend any one for their beliefs and faith. I just wanted to state some things. I'm sorry if I have offended anyone... I love God and making new friends. Please don't take offence. Lisa Xavier.

Holy Thursday

2010-04-01T22:25:00.000-04:00

Since being a catholic convert, I have never been to any Holy Thursday masses. Today was the first, and I was in terrible intense pain. The pain was like a 15(1-10 (10)being the worst) I was having bad pain, plus pain spikes every minute. I didn't think the pain could get any worse. It did when I told Troy I wasn't going to be able to go up for the Eucharist. Then I heard this voice, I looked around but the chapel was silent. I then heard the voice again. I looked at Troy, thinking he was talking with me, but no he wasn't. Then the voice said the same words yet again."Go up, this is part of your inner healing and outer healing."

I watched Father George and Deacon Kerry getting ready for the Eucharist. I got Troy to pass me my walking sticks and I stood up, and the pain was so bad I thought I was going to die. I slowly walked to get communion. After I took the Eucharist and wine, I felt so much heat running through my body, I thought I was on fire. I walked and sat down and closed my eyes and just let my heart feel God and the Holiness of the mass. Not sure what to say or do, I just told myself, God is present and he is entering me. Just then, I heard the voice. Saying "You are going to heal. Both inner and outer the body. You are my child. I am your Savior. Believe in me, and talk with me daily. I will start to heal you." Then the voice went and then service was over. Mass was done.

I walked out to see if Suzie was going to be there to run us home. Helen was going to be back-up in case Suzie wasn't there. While standing by Troy, the pain level went from 15 down to a 8. I was at ease and I felt God inside me. It was so amazing. I have a greater feeling inside, my faith is growing daily. My strength is getting better and I'm feeling I can deal with anything, I mean pain wise, I have God and I know he works in me. I feel alive in his blood and body. I now know God is alive and in me via the Holy Ghost. Sorry Americans, it's the Holy Ghost in England and Ireland, so be it. If you don't like it, tough luck. {big grin and giggles}

Emptiness and Lost Feeling

2010-04-01T13:06:00.000-04:00

It's just turned 12:53pm and I have had lunch. Now I am thinking about what is going to happen today. Since 2am, I have had feelings of emptiness, being alone, lost and anger. Losing a child is hard on anyone, but for me it's becoming a way of life. Giving everything up to God is always hard, but having him take your last child it makes me so angry, and furious about it. I know Paul is in a better place, and he is no in pain and is with God now. The only thing is I want him with me, no somewhere I can't communicate with him.

Watching Troy on his computer is nice, he is relaxed and waiting to go visit his mom. I know she is going to be fine now the surgery is over with. Part of me wants her to die so Troy and his family can feel the pain I feel right now. I know this isn't very Christian of me, but it's how I feel right now. Don't get me wrong, I love Troy's mom and the rest of the family. The point is I have to lose and I believe someone else should too. The pain I feel inside, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. But part of me wants someone else to feel pain, to be depressed and feeling alone.

I have read some scripture this morning, trying to see light were I see darkness. But every single scripture I read, is about death and resurrection. I know in time I will rejoin my children in heaven. I know they are happy, in no pain and waiting on me. But the thing is I want to be with them now, not later. I know Angela is going to do what is best for her and the kids. I doubt I'll ever see my grandchildren. I feel so lost and empty, I want out right now.

The point is I do feel so low, and empty. But I know God is in me, working his way to help me deal with his grief and anger I have in my heart right now. I have been praying all morning in the silence of my heart. I just want to feel at peace, that Paul is with his family up in heaven. Maybe in time I will want to write about how much my children strengthened me and touch me during their time with me.

It's time to write, to write my memoirs and some Christian fiction or Catholic fiction, even maybe a gay fiction story too. I need to get inspired and to do that I need to feel at peace. Which I don't feel right now. Maybe I will let Troy read how I feel and maybe he'll help me find peace, who knows what today will bring to me and help me settle my heart and be happy once again.

Thursday Lunchtime

2010-04-01T12:51:00.000-04:00

This morning was rather okay, since I got a call from Angela. It was the news I'd feared. She called me around 2am my time. I had prayed the night before and hoped for a healing touch on my son. All through my life, I have had children, but it seems to me that I'm not meant to have children. I have lost Raven and Luke, Chelsea, Phillip and Michelle, Joshua, Keiran, Michael, and now my Paul has been taken. What am I to do now? Why God? Why take my children? Did I deserve to lose so many children?

I have thought long and hard this morning and wondered if there was a purpose for me losing my children. I just fear if I ever have any children with Troy, they will somehow die. I do have a strong belief in God, Christ and the Holy Ghost. But I fear I couldn't handle losing another child. Why am I doomed to always feel alone, lost and tortured. I believe in God, I let him into my heart, soul,mind and body. This shouldn't be happening to me now. I am a good christian, and firm believer.

I hate life right now, not sure what to think or feel. Just right now I feel so numb and empty. My partner Troy, is spending time on his computer. I want to cry and scream at the same time. I know being angry at God isn't the way to go. But I just think my life is doomed from the get-go. Since being in Indiana, I have joined a church, go regularly to church, I made friends. I did the C.R.H.P. retreat and now I am barren, no children, no family to inherit my fortune. When I get one that is...

Surgery and Prayer

2010-03-31T18:26:00.000-04:00

Today my MIL was taken to St Francis South Hospital to have surgery, to remove the cancer. I'm hoping she is going to recover quite well. I have been in constant prayer throughout the day. I am hoping God has plans for her to get well and become semi healthy. I just called Suzie, she is going to collect me and we are going to Helen's for the last Wednesday of the Lenten season. I have a funny feeling that tonight is going to be way spiritual for me, I even think God is going to get me praying again, which I'm getting used to now.

Praying is something I found hard and wasn't sure what to say in a prayer. During most meetings with the girls, I would pass and not want to pray at the end in front of them all. I was so embarrassed about them hearing me muddle along. I have never felt comfortable praying in a room with others around me. Not sure why, but I have always. Now since lent, I have become enriched in God's love and the Holy Ghost is administering to my soul, heart and mind. I believe God has something for me to do, but I have to feel comfortable to pray, sing and do anything in the company of others.

People around me are seeing a change in the way I act and do things now. I don't see a difference, but I believe maybe I am changing, but for good I hope. Now the surgery is over and my MIL can heal and become anew in God. I want to become anew in God too. I have found that with my MIL having surgery and getting diagnosed with cancer, has made me get a closer connection with God. He is telling what I am to do and say around others, which makes it easier to pray and talk around others at church and my close friends.

If you feeling alone, lost and without hope. Pray. Yes Pray. Prayer is the first thing you should do. Pray for God and the Holy Ghost to enter your body, mind and heart and he will administer to you. Not sure why, I just believe God is working in me right now. I feel his presence inside me. I feeling so refreshed and alive with his love. I have come to know he forgives me for all my transgressions. I have also forgave my family and anyone who hurt me in anyway in my past. If you forgive others, God will forgive you.

Proverbs 3:5-6

2010-03-30T22:01:00.000-04:00

Proverbs 3:5,6 - Trust the Lord with all your heart, and don't depend on your own understanding. Remember the Lord in all you do, and he will give you success.

The verse above is one my favorites in the Old Testament. It helps me to remember I can't do it alone, without him I am nothing. Just a word of advice, let God guide you in the paths you tread. Think first, then ask God. If he tells you to go forward, go with hope and pride. If not, change your path and make sure God is guiding you. He made us in his image, which means he loved us enough to make us like him. He even sent his only son to come to earth to make a way to get back to him. Jesus died for us, so we could have everlasting life and go to heaven to be with God one day.

I believe during my search in life, I have found true happiness, but not by myself. I asked God and Christ to come into my heart, soul and body and show me the right way. I believe in him, will do anything I can to let others know I love God and he is my Savior. Let God and Christ into your heart, he will guide you, show you the right way to be saved by his blood shed on the cross for your sins and mine too.

I ask you to do one thing before the day is over with, pray. Yes, Prayer is the only way to know God and have him in your life and make sure you always talk with him when you need, plus when you feel you can handle things on your own. We need to keep God in our mind, and soul. How do we do this? By asking God daily into your soul and heart, let him guide you every single day of your natural born life.

Little children, come unto me

2010-03-30T11:39:00.000-04:00

Look at this picture, what does it say to you? Think carefully for a moment, listen to your heart, your mind and spirit. Listen to hear the voice. Are you listening?

When you listen to your heart, mind and body God will tell you his plan for you in his kingdom and how you can get there. For such a long time, I ignored the voice, I ignored the calling from him. Now I am alive with him inside me, yes inside. He touch me, he uses me, not in a bad way. In a good way. He is guiding me, to be his disciple and he is my guardian angel, guiding and letting me follow him into his kingdom.

Remember what he said to the two criminals either side of him as he hung on that cross dying. "You will be in my kingdom." Yes we can be there with him, you just have to believe, trust and obey him. It might be hard at first, but boy you'll be glad you did. I know I am glad, at time yes I get lower than the lowest. But then I try and remember God is in me, I just have to get him to make me feel better.

Just think for a moment, Jesus said to go to him, not as we are. But as children. we are his children, his brother and sister. God to him and he will love you, care for you and guide you. Ask for him to come into your heart, soul and body. he will guide your feet and you'll go on the right path and success in your life. I have never felt good at anything in my life, but now I know I'm a good writer, okay my grammar sucks a little, but I am getting there. He is helping me, giving me the tools to be a writer.

We can't do it alone, we need God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost in our lives, ask him to enter and you'll feel such a relief and happiness or just relaxation that God is there, carrying you if you're too weak to make the steps yourself. Love him, let him guide you. He made you, you are wonderful in his image. No matter if you're gay, lesbian, trans or straight. You are what you are because God make you this way.

Tuesday Morning

2010-03-30T11:28:00.000-04:00

Today has been a rather stressful morning so far. Yesterday was a complete nightmare. It's my anniversary to the first time I met my Troi. It's been a few months since he took his life and it made my life more difficult to manage, but I have survived. Yes, most people who know my, call me a survivor. why you might ask, well I'll explain below, just give a minute. Okay, give me a few minutes, I know Yes I know. God is in my head again and talking to me. I sure wish someone else could hear his ranting about what I should do for the day. Believe I hate it, but love it too...

My church friends and friend here in Indy know I am a survivor. I survived the many years of abused from the hands of my family and partners I had in England. I also survived cancer twice. Yes I know, I must me lucky. Yeah, the fact is God has told me he has a assignment for me to do, so I guess he'll never leave me alone till I've done my mission or job for him. But it has made me get a further understanding of God and my catholic beliefs.

Being a convert to the catholic faith, was a journey of discovery and delight at the same time. I can still remember the questions I'd ask Mary or Dave about what I believed and what the catholic faith people believed. Anyhow, I want to thank them for their help in understanding the sacraments and other things that make up the catholic faith. Now sure, but ever since Lent started I have been filled with the Holy Ghost and I feel it guiding me to the right path and how to become closer to God and Jesus.

If you ever feel alone, scared and lost, ask God for guidance, love and understanding. You'll receive that trust me. I have ten fold. Today, when I went back to the St Blog Parish, which is a site, where many catholic people or groups link to other blogs and sites about the catholic faith and you know.. yadda yadda.

Anyhow, I have been reading some the blogs on there and they touch me, I can't explain it, but when you feel touched by an angel, you'll know. I believe in God, Jesus and yes, I know and Angels. I believe I have a guardian angel and I believe everyone has one. It's just up to the individual to listen to there angel speak to them.

Palm Sunday Mass

2010-03-28T23:57:00.000-04:00

While winding down on a lovely day, I feel so emotional right now. I have absorbed as much as I can from the Mass this morning at church. It was Palm Sunday and I feel it made me very emotional and touching this year. I feel this Lenten season has touch my heart and soul very deeply this year. Usually I go to a few massing during lent and miss Palm Sunday and Ash Wednesday. Not this year. The first Sunday of lent I had a vision and felt touched by God himself. I can't explain, but I just feel touched.

Today, I was in terrible intense pain throughout my body, knew I wasn't going to be able to sit through mass. I wanted to say no not go, let Troy go on his own. But something prompted me to get dressed and go, even with the pain being the worse it had been this year. While in church, during the reading and the Eucharist, I felt something, or someone enter my body and touch my heart. Once again, I was without pain for nearly the whole service. I have never been without pain, ask my friends and family. It was an amazing service and I feel God is guiding me through St Mark Church, to be a better catholic and be a prayer warrior.

Wednesday evening meetings with my C.R.H.P. sisters is good. We talk about our week, then read scripture and then from the book from church and it for the Lenten season. I believe Suzie Q might be right, I have turned into a prayer warrior. I can't explain it, but when I feel the need to prayer, I hear the words of what I should say. it's like God is prompting me and guiding me in prayer. Lately I've been praying for Barbara, Helen and Michelle. I believe in the fact God answers prayer if you ask and pray with a sincere heart.

If you want forgiveness, prayer, with a contrite spirit and a sincere heart and you'll get the answer to any prayer. But remember one thing, it's in God's time not our time. We have to understand that God is there guiding and showing us the right path to follow. Believe me when I say he is there, just ask him to enter your heart, soul, mind and body and he will come. I believe he is there for me and my friends. I know believing in God can be hard and frustrating at times. But he is there listen to his words, but to be able to listen to God, you have to believe and have faith.

Faith and understanding go hand in hand with having a Christian background helps too. If you feel alone, feeble or weak in anyway, just ask God to help, he will come if you just ask him. Ask and you will receive, knock and the door will open. Remember to read your bible daily and pray about what you read and use it into your daily lives.Without God you have no hope, no love, no reassurance of happiness.

Ask yourself one question. Does God want me? The answers is Yes. God wants you, he loves you unconditionally. He has opened his arms, and all you have to do is run to him and he will wrap his loving arms around you. Carry you when your weak, be there when you feeling lonely and scared. He is there, let him into your heart. Trust me, he is there, you just have to ask and believe. You'll know once you feel his presence in your heart and body. Let the Holy Ghost guide you back to God.

Inspiration From Music

2010-03-25T13:53:00.000-04:00

All the morning, I was sleeping most of it. I was tired and exhausted from the late night. Yeah I spent some time with Emma posting to our group and just chatting to 2am in the morning. Now it's 1:49pm and I'm just about up and ready to face the world. I know going to bed that late isn't good for you. The thing is if I stay up late, I end up sleeping better and getting a good quality mount of sleep. Not that I don't go to bed early, if I have an appointment the night after.

I ahve been downloading some music and this has been relaxing me quite a bit. The thing is the music titles and words are giving me thought to think about where I am in life and what I wanna do about the journey I'm now taking with God and my whole identity issues. I have left the choice in Gods hands now as I do want to change, but I know that if I make the decisions I will go down the wrong path. Leaving it in God's hands is what I know I need to do. I hate the thought of not being able to change, but I know God loves me for who I am and knows me down till the atoms that make me, me!

Catholic Vs Gender Dysphoria

2010-03-25T01:26:00.000-04:00

I have come to get a closer look at my faith and my gender issues. I was at a church meeting tonight, I so wanted to tell the girls I was a gay male, but knew they might not understand. After listening to Helen's family problems so I knew it wasn't time to come out to my friends. I so longed for my girls to know the real me, and what I go through every single day. I wanted to tell my church friends about my true identity. Being a gay male inside a female body was torture every single minute. Wanting support and guidance from my friends, but knew it wasn't time.

I got home around 9:40pm and I talked with my partner before they went to bed for the night. They have work in morning. Right now I am watching some crime show on you-tube. This is getting my mind of the thought of nightmares about my partners mother and her surgery. I want to find something inside myself to understand and tell the people in my life, that mean the world to me that I was hiding a dark secret. I wanted to ask God for help and guidance, but wasn't sure it would help. My thoughts keep going back to Helen and being there for her.

I finally decided to pray about my feelings about my gender Identity and dealing with being a catholic and maybe changing my body to match my soul, mind and feelings. I know many people like me have the courage to change, but me, no chance of having that courage. I just want to be free to be me and let friends know how troubled I feel each and every day in the last ten years.

Words or Emotions?

2010-03-23T14:29:00.000-04:00

I have found a music site, well not found, but I became a member of this site and now I'm, planning on building a PlayList.Com with christian songs and put them onto this blog. Yeah, this blog is gonna be the start of my ministry in the world. I one day will become a missionary. Yeah, I know me, a disabled person be a missionary. well I believe God is guiding me to show people in my life, that I've always told I would never amount to anything. Boy was I way off beat. God has shown me this Lenten season, that he has a mission for me and my partner. Yeah, I hate to admit this, but I have found God signalling that I have a job for his glory, not mine.

One day I will be used in God's Glory! I believe God is guiding us all, we just have to listen and believe and mostly trust in his guiding way. He shows us the right path to walk, but if you're not listening you're going to be lead down the bad path, well not bad, but wrong path. Believing in God is the first step in salvation. Let God into your hearts and let him know you need his guidance, his love and he will love you unconditionally.

I believe in God, which has spoke to me a few times including the first Sunday of Lent. I believe he has touch me and has spoken to my heart, soul and mind. He is guiding me to full fill his work he has for me. God is telling me to go and tell everyone to believe, Yeah believe in his name. God, the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. He is guiding us all to him. If you ask, he will give his unconditional love forever and even into eternity. He is just a call away. Ask for him to touch you and guide you in the path you should tread.

Listening to God, is something you should do. Think he gave you life, he gave you emotions to help you understand him more. Even Jesus had emotions. He cried, he smiled, he was glad and yes he even got depressed and lonely. But he knew he could go back to the Father, go back to be with his Father, our Father. GOD!

I ask you to believe, I ask you to have faith and trust. If you are feeling alone, lost and depressed and suicidal, ask God to make things easier to you, he can do just that. He is just a call away. Call on him, he will take the pain, just like Christ took the price of sin from the cup when he was crucified.

Remember: Jesus went to the cross, for your sins, your thoughts and feelings. He came and glorified the Father, making it easy as pie to go right to God once we die if we just have God in our lives and let him show you the way.

God's Commandments

2010-03-23T11:05:00.000-04:00

God wants His children to be happy. For this reason He gave us commandments and instructions to follow them. Where you might ask. In the Bible, the Manual God gave us to understand his wisdom and guidance. I have never before understood the importance of following the Commandments in the bible. To me the bible was a old, out dated book with just jibberish of old men. Today I came into the knowledge of God and what his role in my life was going to be from now on, till I die and return to him.

I believe God has given us a precious book. The Holy Bible, a manual, a guide book to get back to him one day. If anyone lacks wisdom let him ask of God. This is from James in the new testament. Yeah, me Jools Alexander Xavier have realized that I want, no have to have in my life. You need to ask yourself, what does God have to do with my life and what I do with it. The thing is if you read and study the Holy Bible, you can get to understand why we need to not just read, and study this book, but prayer and use its teaching into our daily lives.

Christian Saints

2010-03-23T09:50:00.000-04:00

Well now I'm fully awake and trying to figure out what the day has for me to do and experience. I started to hear the voice of reasoning and God. I started to research about the saints of all time. I found some interesting facts about some of the saints. Like I found out about the saint I chose to be my saint to always follow. St Clare Montefalco, also known as St Clare of the Cross. She was the one that spoke to me at the end of my R.C.I.A. classes before I was confirmed a full member of the catholic faith.

Think for a moment, if you are named after a saint, or you picked a name of a certain saint when you were confirmed or given first communion. Think, then look up about that saint and pray to God and your saint to give you guidance and know that saint is in you and believe in God and never forget the saints. They made it possible for us all to be able to believe, prayer and have the right to choose what religion we want, to choose to go to mass or church.